Reconciliation
by Bobbie23
Summary: Late at night, Olivia gets an unexpected visitor.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – I don't own _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit_ or any of its characters.

Reconciliation – chapter one

"_We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of __need__, someone will be there for you.__" _

_Jeff Warner_

She tried to concentrate on the file in front of her but she found her mind wandering. It was late and the rest of the unit had left a few hours ago. Fin hovered for a while but she told him she would be fine and he could go home. He'd pinned her with a final look of worry, telling her to call when she got home, whenever that may be.

Olivia was about to give up on the report when there was a timid knock on her door. She looked up to see the young blonde woman in her doorway. "Kathleen?" She questioned as she rolled her chair backwards and stood from behind her desk. She couldn't help glancing behind Kathleen, wondering if she had come alone.

"Hi Liv," Kathleen said hesitantly as she stepped into the office giving a small wave of her hand.

"Is everything okay?" Olivia asked coming to stand in front of Kathleen. Her mind reeling as she tried to think of a reason to trigger the unexpected visit, especially at this time of night. She rested lightly on her desk as she gestured for her former partner's daughter to sit in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

Kathleen nodded as she took the chair closest to the door placing her back pack at her feet before looking up at Olivia from under hooded eyes. "I just wanted to see you, to see how you are," Kathleen told her.

Olivia tried not to tense, but the sudden reappearance of the second oldest Stabler child already had her on guard. She regretted the action almost immediately; Kathleen wasn't responsible for her father's actions. To make Kathleen more comfortable Olivia slipped from the edge of the desk she slid smoothly into the other chair and focused on Kathleen.

"I'm getting there," Olivia told her softly. The last year had been hell, there was no denying it. Kathleen had no doubt seen the headlines and news broadcasts of the trial and ensuing escape and death of William Lewis.

Olivia saw the similarities between father and daughter when Kathleen stared back at her, scrutinising her, not saying a word for a long moment as she figured out whether or not Olivia was telling the truth. "Are you?" She finally asked.

Olivia felt her lip curl upward unintentionally. This wasn't the same self-absorbed teenager that had driven her father crazy. She had matured into a caring young woman. Olivia noted Kathleen's bold honesty hadn't escaped her while she had grown up; she just knew how to phrase it better than she had as a teenager.

"It's taking time," Olivia admitted. Kathleen's responding look was void of the pity which Olivia had grown accustomed to since her first abduction. It was of understanding, no judgement, and no sympathy. She wondered briefly if Elliot had sent her in lieu of himself. "Why are you here Kathleen?"

"I just wanted to let you know you have a friend to talk to if you need to, someone away from all of this," she explained softly her hand gesturing the squad room, not backing away from Olivia's almost harsh tone. "You helped me a long time ago, and I don't think I would be in the position I am today if you hadn't convinced my grandmother to talk to me. I wouldn't have gotten the help I needed."

Olivia blinked back the pang of disappointment as she failed to mention Elliot. Refocusing on Kathleen she gave a tiny smile. "I was happy to help," she said simply. "How are you now?"

"I graduated," Kathleen told her proudly. "I'm working with an organisation geared towards helping teenagers with mental health issues. I want to use my experience to help others."

Olivia gave her a genuine smile at her career choice. Silence overcame them, and after a moment it became awkward as they stared at one another, daring each other to bring up the person they had in common. Olivia couldn't bring herself to do it and broke eye contact as she asked the safer question "How are your family?"

Kathleen raised an eyebrow, but she answered anyway. "We're all good. Maureen got engaged last year. Lizzie and Dick are both in college now. Eli started school last year," she smiled. "And Mom's enjoying a peaceful house."

Olivia nodded as Kathleen avoided mentioning Elliot, knowing she was intentionally baiting Olivia to ask first. _'So much like her father,' _she thought to herself. Her curiosity got the better of her, those twelve years meant too much not to. "And your father?"

Her breath caught in her throat as Kathleen tried to find the right words. She wasn't sure what she wanted to hear. If Elliot was still dwindling after shooting a child, or if he had gotten the help he needed and found peace in the end. She didn't which scenario was better in her mind, which one excused the lack of communication for the past three years.

"He's better," Kathleen started uncomfortably. "It took a lot of time for him to open up. Mom got tired of him moping about and told him to get some help," Kathleen let out a disbelieving laugh. "And he did. I don't know what she said to him, but she got through."

Olivia kept silent as she digested the information, breathing evenly. She was saved from finding a reply as Kathleen continued, "He knows that I'm here. I asked him to come with me, but he didn't know if he'd be welcome."

Olivia nodded as she swallowed the lump in her throat. After all this time, he was still able to get to her. She felt her eyes well, remembering how Lewis had asked who she had thought of in that moment as he was cutting her trouser leg. How he knew it hadn't been Brian. Olivia had wanted Elliot there, hoped it would be him bursting through the door to find her. To save her.

'_My old partner, he'd know what to do. He wouldn't question himself after what you've done. He'd kick your teeth in, break your legs, break your arms, break your back, break your face. Maybe I should call him.'_

She had picked her phone up several times since her abduction, and since the trial to call, but her thumb only hovered over the connect button as she remembered all the times she called him after he left only to leave one voicemail after the next. It was the memory of painful heartbreak when none of them had been returned that made her put her phone back into her pocket.

"Did he want to come?" Olivia found herself asking. She needed to know if he had sent Kathleen to test the waters with her.

"You know he does Liv," Kathleen stated, her head tilting to the side sympathetically. "He's scared it's been too long."

Olivia closed her eyes, trying to compose herself against the imploring tone in the younger woman's voice. "Maybe it has," Olivia replied despite knowing if the roles had been reversed and she had been the absent one, she would want to come. Nothing would have stopped her from doing so.

Kathleen shook her head in disbelief. "You know there was a time when I didn't like you very much. I thought something was going on with you and my dad."

Olivia schooled her features against the accusation which she heard time and time again. For three years she had built walls around that special place her heart, keeping people out, keeping her feelings locked inside.

"I know nothing ever did. I think if it had he and Mom wouldn't have gotten back together. He'd still be with you," Kathleen continued.

Olivia looked away then, not wanting to hear it. She spent years fighting her feelings, telling herself there was no way they were reciprocated. When Elliot and Kathy had been separated, she allowed herself a small luxury to wonder, she allowed herself to see the way he looked at her, knowing it was mirrored from her side of their desks. And she ran from it, scared of what it could do to them.

"He loves your Mom," Olivia stated looking back at Kathleen.

Kathleen's lips lifted at the lack of the usual denial. "And he always will," she said somewhat sadly. Olivia sensed that she wanted to say something else, but Kathleen remained quiet. She glanced at the clock on her desk, knowing Fin would be worrying that he hadn't heard from her by now. "But he misses you. He gets this look whenever his phone rings and I know he hopes it's you, he's always disappointed when he realises it's not."

"He should have answered three years ago," Olivia breathed out, unable to keep the anger from her voice.

"Yes he should and he regrets not answering your calls," Kathleen told her. "I'm not excusing what he did; he shouldn't have just walked away from you like that. But it's up to him to tell you his reasons, when you're ready to hear them."

A short sharp knock on her open door stopped Olivia from replying. Both women turned to see Fin looking between them cautiously. He looked just as surprised as Olivia had been to see Kathleen. Olivia followed Kathleen's lead and rose from her chair, turning to see Kathleen give Fin a brief hug. Olivia shook her head in response to the wide eyed questioning look Fin shot her over Kathleen's shoulder.

"Hi Fin," Kathleen said as she pulled back.

"How you been Kathleen?" He asked trying to cover his shock.

"I've been good," she told him. She looked between Olivia and Fin, fully aware of the atmosphere.

"I thought I sent you home over an hour ago, what are you doing back here?" Olivia asked him.

He straightened at the soft tone. He could see how tired Olivia was, how emotionally drained she was. "I ended up going for a drink with Nick and Amanda, I came back to see if you wanted to join us," he explained looking between Olivia and Kathleen. "But if you're busy…"

Kathleen shook her head. "I need to go anyway, it's late," she said as she gathered her back pack. She grabbed a pen and a post it note pad from Olivia's desk and scribbled down a phone number. She ripped the paper from the pad and pressed it into Olivia's hand. Kathleen looked uncertainly at Olivia. "Thanks for not telling me to go away."

"I would never do that," Olivia promised, grasping the piece of paper.

Kathleen's eyes softened. "That's my number," she said leaving the invitation to call unsaid. She turned to make her way to the door, reaching it as Olivia called to her.

"Kathleen." The young woman turned expectantly and Olivia swallowed lightly, acutely aware of Fin's scrutiny. "Thank you for coming."

Kathleen nodded, pausing to see if there was anything else Olivia would say. Olivia knew she wanted to know if there was a message to pass along. Or an invitation. Was she ready to open that door again? Expose herself to that heartbreak again.

After a long moment Kathleen looked away, disappointed when Olivia didn't say anything else. She turned to go but was stopped again when Olivia spoke. "Tell your dad," she started her voice wavering slightly. She saw the hope flash in the younger woman's eyes as she looked over her shoulder expectantly. "Tell him," she started again steadfastly ignoring Fin, whose eyebrows had both risen in shock as he watched the exchange. "Tell him that he can come."

**Author Note: **_**Law and Order SVU**_** is new territory to me and I've only recently started watching reruns as well as some of season fifteen, so forgive me if anything isn't accurate. I hope that you enjoyed this. I have started a second chapter if you're interested. I would love to know what you guys think, so if you have a few minutes please leave a comment.**


	2. Chapter 2

Reconciliation – chapter two

"_She puts a hand to his mouth. She has not touched him in three years. It probably would be too much to say that he feels the darkness lift at the touch of her fingertips against his lips. But it shivers, and light bleeds in among the cracks."  
― __Michael Chabon__, __The Yiddish Policemen's Union_

For the following week Olivia found herself looking up expectantly at the sound of someone new entering the squad room, ducking her head in disappointment when she didn't see the familiar form of her absent former partner. Fin hadn't said a word about the unexpected meeting he'd interrupted, but she could see the concern in his eyes when he caught her looking at the squad room door. She declined the offer of a drink the night Kathleen had shown up, not wanting to face the scrutiny. She could trust Fin not to say anything to the others about it; he understood the emotional rollercoaster it had caused.

She cursed herself for hoping something would change after Kathleen's sudden reappearance in her life. By the end of the seventh day she had steeled herself against the onslaught of emotions that had accompanied the visit. Elliot wasn't coming, she convinced herself. She shook her head as she closed her office down for the day, packing her bag and turning her lamp off. She had left _that_ door open and he had been too much of a coward to accept the invitation. _'Damn him,' _she thought angrily. _'Damn me too for allowing myself to believe he would come.'_

Olivia shouldered her bag and stepped out from behind her desk when a familiar shadow filled her doorway. He paused at the threshold, waiting for her to beckon him. Simultaneous feelings of anger and relief flooded her as her eyes travelled the length of his form. He seemed slimmer than he had before, muscular she noted. His hands hung at his side, her eyes rose to his hair, bypassing his face. His hair was greying, but then so was hers. Finally she allowed her gaze to drift to his face she noted that he had aged well, peacefully even. She envied it.

Brown eyes met blue and Olivia's breath caught as she realised he was staring at her just as intently. He was studying her with that intense gaze of his, looking through the charade she put on for the rest of the world. She felt completely exposed as he pinned her with his empathic stare, knowing he saw what she tried to hide from everyone else.

'_Damn him.'_

His stare was full of compassion and understanding as he hesitated in the entrance to her office. Fury and relief still raged within her and Olivia didn't know if she wanted to hug him or hit him. She stepped forward, her bag dropping to the edge of her desk. She felt her arms lifting, unbidden, as she walked towards him. He saw the unspoken invitation and his long strides meant he met her half way as she wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

Olivia breathed him in as they clung to one another, finding the familiar scent of him soothing. She would never forget the smell, the one that lingered as they huddled over a case file, or when they had sat in a squad car for too long on a stakeout. Part aftershave, part masculine, part something that was distinctly Elliot Stabler. The one that made her feel safe.

He really was there, not some figment of her imagination. She bit back a sob that almost escaped as she closed her eyes against the exposed skin of his neck and his arms tightened their hold on her.

"Ssh," he hushed her, his hand stroke her head holding her to him.

Blinking back the tears, she pushed herself away from Elliot. Her hand reared back and moved through the air quickly, connected with his cheek with a resounding smack. "You son of a bitch," she said, her voice quiet and trembling with fury.

"I was expecting that before the hug," he said as he raised his hand to grasp his cheek where a red spot was no forming as he looked at her with a wry smile on his face. His cerulean eyes twinkled in the darkness at her. "I deserved it," he said, fuelling her ire even further.

"And a whole lot more," she said as she stood her ground.

He worked his jaw lightly before nodding. "I do," he agreed.

"Twelve years," she accused him shakily. "And you leave without one word."

He tensed lightly but he didn't reply and the smile dropped from his face. They stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity but in reality it was only a few seconds before Olivia had to turn away.

"Do you have anything to say?" She asked quietly her arms crossing defensively in front of her.

"I'm sorry," was all he offered. She could tell from his voice that he knew it was an inadequate answer.

Olivia gave him a sharp look. "I don't want an apology, I deserve an explanation."

"You think it was easy for me to walk away from you?" Elliot asked.

"You could have told me yourself, not leave it up to the Captain," she told him as she resumed pacing. He was too calm, accepting her anger, allowing her rage to take centre stage, not letting her goad him into an argument. It irritated the hell out of her.

Elliot sighed as he looked back at her. "I should have returned your calls," he conceded.

"You could've at least said goodbye," Olivia replied.

"That was the problem," Elliot said taking a step towards her. "I couldn't."

Olivia's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why couldn't you?"

"Why didn't you say goodbye when you went to computer crimes? Or undercover?" Elliot countered.

"Are you saying this was payback?" She asked incredulously. Their eyes locked and Olivia saw the flash of annoyance in his eyes at the jibe. But it was gone as soon as it came.

He slowly shook his head, glancing away briefly. "No I would never do that," Elliot promised. His hands moved to his hips as he took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to adequately explain. "I didn't say goodbye because I know if tried I wouldn't be able to."

The soft gentle tone of his voice made Olivia pause, her mouth dropping open slightly, her response dying on her lips. He stood patiently as she processed his explanation which she couldn't deny. When she left after Gitano, Olivia knew if Elliot had known he would have tried to talk her out of it and she probably would have let him. If she was honest with herself, she wouldn't have been able to say goodbye either, wouldn't have been able to sever their connection. It still didn't make up for three years of nothing.

"You didn't have to shut me out of your life," she told him, her own voice softening as she leant against the edge of her desk. "I wouldn't have talked you out of it if you didn't want me too."

He took another step forward, his movements deliberate giving her ample opportunity to tell him to back off is she wanted to. Her eyes flickered at the receding space between them but said nothing nor did anything to stop him.

"I needed to sort my own head out. Kathy put up with me for a while before telling me to get my head out of my own ass. By that point I figured you would be too pissed to talk to me."

"I'm still angry, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have heard you out. You really think I would?" Olivia asked. She kept her gaze steady on him as he thought about his response. After a long moment he sighed and shook his head mutely, ashamed of his own behaviour. Her heart went out to him; she couldn't imagine how horrible it was to shoot a child, especially one who they had duty to protect. She wasn't ready to talk to him about her own reaction to his departure, ready to let him off the hook so easily, so instead she asked, "How is Kathy?" Though they had never really been friends, Olivia felt an affinity with the woman.

Elliot's eyebrows rose at the question, but his lips lifted into half a smile. "She's okay. We're on good terms," he explained. "I have Eli every other weekend."

Olivia's eyes widened at the admission. After years of them fighting about his job, they had separated after he left it behind. Kathleen hadn't mentioned it when they spoke. She recovered from her falter and asked, "When did you separate?"

"We signed the divorce papers about a year after I left the force. It was a mutual decision," he added.

Olivia gulped lightly. "I'm sorry," she offered gently.

Elliot accepted her condolence with a brief nod. "We got back together for the wrong reasons. Apart from Eli, nothing changed between us." There was a pause as he looked her over again, gaging her reaction. "You look tired."

Olivia met his eyes, the sincerity she saw there breaking through the metaphorical wall she had tried to put between them to protect herself. But he was right. She was tired, emotionally and physically. "It's been a long year."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I have been." She wasn't ready to share that much with him, but she wanted him to know that she was getting help.

"Has it been helping?"

"It has," Olivia nodded. She eyed him, taking in his calm attitude. It made her nervous; he could still read her, but she had no idea how to deal with this new peaceful Elliot. "What's your secret?"

"Huh?"

Olivia jutted her chin in his direction. "You're not angry anymore; I'm wondering how you did it."

Elliot gave her a long look, appraising her. "I'm still angry, but I'm dealing with it better than I was," he started. "I went to my therapist every week for the first eighteen months, then about once a month. But for the last year I've had to go back to once a week."

Olivia shook her head, unable to trust her own voice. She heard the underlying fury as he said the last part, his eyes focused on hers. She knew he was referring to what happened to her, what Lewis did to her. Elliot knew. And he had come back because of it. She looked away as his stare became too much for her. She couldn't do this with him. Not yet anyway. He of all people would know how she had reacted to the abduction, and he would understand.

Elliot cleared his throat loudly, cutting through her thoughts. Olivia turned back to him. His posture had slumped somewhat, in defeat, in surrender, but his gentle gaze penetrating her. She saw his adam's apple bob as he swallowed. "I understand that I can't walk back in here after three years and expect you to open up to me, but Liv I would like to be in your life again, if you'll let me."

His words hung between them for a long time. Olivia felt her eyes watering, but she held the tears at bay. Her throat was dry. "I wanted you there," she whispered, her resolve crumbling. Elliot's eyes clouded with worry, waiting for her to elaborate. "Lewis asked his victims who would be the person they would want to see one more time." A tear escaped, and Elliot's hand twitched as he made to step forward as if he wanted to brush it away but Olivia stepped back, her hip hitting her desk making him halt his movements. "I wanted you, I needed you, and you weren't there," she told him, her voice shaking.

"Liv…" Elliot said as went to take another step forward, and she held up a hand to stop him as the desk prevented her from moving further away.

"For twelve years you were there, and then you were gone," she hated how her voice trembled. She hated that he was the only one who was able to make her feel this way. Olivia breathed deeply in an effort to gain control, time to gather her thoughts, before continuing. "I don't know if I'm ready to let you back in, learn to depend on you being here again only for you to walk away."

This time Elliot stepped forward undeterred by Olivia's sharp glance. "I know I don't deserve another chance. This is your call Liv; I will take this however you want, whatever you're willing to give."

Olivia reached up and brushed away another tear. "And if I asked you to walk away?"

Elliot's eyes widened his mouth opening in shock. He hesitated slightly before replying, "If that's what you-"

"I don't know what I want El," Olivia interrupted, wiping her eye again.

Elliot stepped into her personal space and reached past her to the box of tissues on her desk; taking one he held it out to her. Their eyes met once again as Olivia accepted it, their fingers brushing briefly. Elliot took a small step back to give her space, but was still closer than he was before. Olivia folded the tissue and dabbed her eyes.

Dropping the hand that clutched the tissue to her lap, Olivia sighed. Olivia slumped against the edge of her desk, the adrenaline that accompanied her initial anger started to ebb away, the sound of their breathing filling the room. Elliot stood close, waiting uncharacteristically patiently. She found his presence comforting despite the turmoil it caused in her heart. He had answered her invitation to come back into her life, and was asking to stay. She wasn't ready to open herself to him completely. But she couldn't bring herself to say that final goodbye, just like he hadn't been able to three years ago.

"It's going to take time," she told him quietly.

**Author Note – Thank you all for your kind words about the first chapter, and for adding this story to your favourite and alert lists, they mean so much to me. I would love to know your thoughts on this chapter, so if you have a few minutes let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

Reconciliation – chapter three

'_You can not easily drop a person out of your mind. Especially when that person left a special mark on your heart' – Unknown_

He fiddled with the label on his bottle of beer as he waited. Every few minutes he would look up at the door then at his watch. He sighed; this was something he didn't miss about the job, the unpredictable schedule. Elliot hadn't seen Olivia since that first time in her office nearly two weeks ago. They had talked on the phone a few times, but Olivia hadn't committed to seeing him again until she had sent him a message earlier that day asking him to meet her for a drink.

They had supposed to meet about half an hour ago, but she had called him to say she would be running late. He took it as a good sign that she asked him to meet.

In the two weeks since he had escorted her out of her office, separating at her car, they had both initiated contact with the other. He was mindful of the space Olivia needed, even though he wanted more. He didn't want to push her and blow the chance she had given him.

Elliot rolled his head against the back of the booth. His mind had replayed that evening over and over again in the past two weeks, the pain in Olivia's eyes cutting through him, knowing he was partly responsible, knowing that he should have been there to support her.

The door of the bar opened and he kept his gaze cast upwards to the ceiling. A young couple walked past his booth talking quietly as they headed towards the pool table at the rear of the bar room. He heard a familiar voice at the bar ordering drinks for three and then adding a forth.

"And another of what he's having," the voice said quietly.

The man at the bar took the drinks to the people at the pool table before Elliot heard his footsteps turn in his direction. Elliot brought his head down as Fin slid into the booth opposite him, placing a beer in front of him.

"Fin," Elliot greeted as he met his stare.

"You got some balls Stabler," Fin accused. "Sending your kid to see Liv, to see if it's okay to come and see her."

Elliot shook his head. "Kathleen was determined to see her. I didn't expect an invitation Fin; I thought Liv would be too angry with me."

"And you finally show up after nearly four years of nothing."

"Would it be better if I had stayed gone?"

"Not if Liv already agreed to let you back into her life again. And if she did, you better not walk away again," Fin told him, the unspoken threat evident in his voice. Fin's expression softened. "She's had a rough year; she doesn't need to deal with you leaving again. It broke her last time."

Elliot's gaze dropped guiltily. His eyes tracing a bead of condensation as it travelled down his bottle to the table top. "I didn't mean to leave, but after Jenna," he paused for a moment, regaining control. He still found it difficult to talk about that day. "I couldn't face any of it anymore. Not even Liv."

Fin's expression was sympathetic when Elliot raised his eyes. "Nobody coulda predicted what Jenna was gonna do. I know it doesn't make it feel right, but it was a clean shot."

"You're right, it doesn't make it better," Elliot replied solemnly.

"No matter how bad you were feelin' you didn't have to leave without a word. I thought Liv meant more to you than that," Fin said baiting him.

Their eyes locked in a stand-off. "You think there wasn't a day that didn't go by where I didn't want to call. I know I hurt her, you don't think I hate myself for that?" He never forgot the shocked, yet sympathetic stare Olivia had sent him amid the chaos in the squad room as he knelt over Jenna, applying pressure to her wound, his eyes taking in the sight of her. He never forgot the relief he felt when he realised Olivia wasn't hurt.

"Then why'd you do it? How could you?"

Elliot's fingers tapped the side of his bottle lightly. He'd asked himself those questions several times over the last four years. After the initial shock had past, the guilt set in about Jenna, his own family, Olivia. Even Kathy encouraged him to contact Olivia, something he'd found confusing at the time. Years of dodging Kathy's not so concealed barbs about his relationship with Olivia hadn't prepared him for her explanation that Olivia understood him better than she ever could.

It happened without either one of them realising. For years Elliot had been oblivious to deepening bond between himself and Olivia. Apparently those around them hadn't. They had denied every implication or innuendo, sometimes a bit too forcibly. He began to acknowledge his feelings during his separation, forcing them back into the well-guarded space in his heart when he and Kathy got back together. He tried to convince himself it was down to the high risk situations they found themselves in on a daily basis, but Olivia knew him better than anyone. He couldn't bring himself to face her, to say those final words to her. Not after he abandoned her.

"It's hard to explain, I couldn't say goodbye to her. If I had tried to look her in the eye, I know I never would have been able to. I would never have been able to leave her." Elliot took a deep breath. "I guess I always wanted something else to say to her." Fin's expression softened as he processed what Elliot told him. When it became clear that Fin wasn't going to say anything Elliot waited a beat before asking, "How is Liv? Really?"

Fin's eyebrows raised a little as he leant forward to rest his forearms on the table. "She's dealing with it, but it's been tough."

"You don't have to sugar coat it Fin," Elliot prodded. He had read the newspaper reports about what Lewis had done to his victims, what he did while he held Olivia captive. His years with SVU meant he knew there was more to it than what had been reported. Elliot hadn't been there, but he had his own nightmares about Lewis. Ones that ended with him visiting a grave rather than Olivia's office.

"_I wanted you, I needed you, and you weren't there."_

Fin shook his head. "It's up to Liv to tell you if she wants you to know," he looked Elliot up and down. "I'm guessing you're who she's got plans with."

"Yeah, she asked me to meet her here."

Fin looked him up and down. "I don't see any bullet holes; please tell me she at least decked you."

"Her right is still as powerful as it's always been," Elliot smiled as his hand subconsciously touched his cheek where she had slapped him. Fin's laughter was interrupted by a loud triumphant shout from the woman at the pool table as she teased the man. Elliot followed his gaze. "How long have they been in the unit?"

"Amanda arrived before Nick, he's your replacement." They watched as Nick racked up the balls again as Amanda put the cue ball on its spot. "It took a while for them to settle, took a long time for Liv to accept a new partner."

Elliot turned back to Fin to find his stoic stare focused on him. A flare of jealousy ran threw him. Even though he knew it was inevitable, the idea of Olivia having another partner hurt. "He got her back?" Elliot asked Fin.

Fin nodded. "He found her after she was abducted, did everything he could to get to her."

Elliot glanced over his shoulder again, his eyes narrowing on the younger man who had replaced him. A few seconds later Nick turned when he sensed someone watching him. He looked confused, his gaze shifting to over Elliot's shoulder briefly, his brow furrowing before Amanda reminded him it was his shot. Amanda's eyes shifted from Nick to Elliot then over his shoulder, presumably to Fin. Elliot turned back to Fin, who was indeed silently communicating with his partner. Elliot was envious of how close the team were, knowing he used to be a part of that.

The door opened again and they heard Nick call out as he weighed up his options for a shot. "I thought you weren't coming, you said you had plans," he said as Olivia entered the bar.

She looked uncomfortable as she took in the scene, her eyes finally meeting Elliot's. His lips turned upwards into a half smile. "I do," Olivia replied as she came to a stop beside the booth, her eyes shifting awkwardly between her current and former partners.

Elliot heard the Nick and Amanda start walking towards the booth, obviously concerned about Olivia's hesitation. Elliot saw her tense, preparing herself for the introductions she was about to make. Out of the side of his eye he saw Nick and Amanda stand next to him.

"I thought you were meeting an old friend," Amanda said, resting her cue stick on the floor.

Olivia's eyes met Elliot's and she sighed, gesturing to him. "This is Elliot, my old partner," she told them. "Elliot this is Amanda Rollins and Nick Amaro."

Elliot looked over his shoulder, standing as he did so. Amanda recovered from her shock first, but was still wide eyed as she held her hand out to him. He accepted it, and they shook briefly. He turned to his replacement.

Nick's face was clouded as he stared back at him; Elliot could see the anger simmering under the surface and hesitated for a moment before holding his hand out in the same gesture Amanda had shown him a few seconds before. Nick barely acknowledged it as he tightened his grasp on his pool cue.

"You know what, it's my shot," he said before turning away and heading back to the pool table. Amanda sent them an uncomfortable smile as she followed him back to the table.

Olivia watched them go, releasing a disappointed sigh. Elliot couldn't blame them for their reaction. He couldn't help but feel reassured by Nick's response, hoping that defensive, protective nature translated when he was working with Olivia.

"Do you want a drink?" Elliot asked Olivia as he brushed past her to go to the bar. She looked at the table and nodded.

"I'll have what you're having," she replied as she began to take off her coat before sliding into his spot in the booth.

Elliot stood at the bar, glancing over his shoulder while the barman retrieved a bottle of beer for Olivia. She was talking quietly with Fin, neither of them making any gestures or eye movements to reveal the topic of their conversation, but he had a good idea what they were talking about. He noted the position she had placed herself in, her back to the younger members of the team, facing forward to have a full view of the door. He wondered if it was just a reaction to her abduction, or if it had happened before.

Fin said something that Elliot couldn't quite make out, but he felt a flare of jealousy when Fin was rewarded with a genuine smile and a playful eye roll. The beer was placed in front of Elliot and he paid the barman before returning to the booth. Fin slipped out of the booth.

"I'll talk to you later man," he nodded to Elliot as he moved over to one of the bar stools to watch the tense match between his other colleagues.

Elliot placed the beer in front of Olivia as he sat opposite her. She looked apologetic as her hand reached for the beer. "I'm sorry," she told him. "You were already here when I found out they were coming here."

Elliot shook his head. "It's okay. They're good people," he said reclaiming his beer, his eyes fixed on the rear of the bar.

"They are," Olivia confirmed before taking a sip of her beer, her eyes roaming over Elliot cautiously.

"Protective," he commented.

Olivia's eyes narrowed. "Almost as much as you were," she told him. "Fin offered to shoot you if you pull another disappearing act."

"Good," Elliot replied unapologetically. He was glad they had formed a tight knit group. He couldn't help but be jealous of it. He wasn't the one doing the protecting anymore; he was the one they were protecting her from. To re-earn Olivia's trust he would have to earn theirs.

**Author Note – I must confess that I didn't see past the first two chapters, although I did intend for Fin to be a part of the previous chapter but he just didn't fit. I would like to remind you that my knowledge of Nick and Amanda is fairly limited from the few episodes I've seen of seasons thirteen and fifteen, so I apologise if they're out of character. Thank you all for the wonderful encouragement. If you have any thoughts about this chapter, I would love it if you would let me know.**


	4. Chapter 4

Reconciliation – chapter four

'_Missing someone isn't about how  
Long it's been since you've seen them  
Or the amount of time since you  
Last talked, it's about that very moment  
When you're doing something and you  
Wish that they were right there with you'_

_- Macy Newkirk_

Olivia pressed the bell to let her therapist know that she was waiting for him. She sat down on one of the chairs, resolutely resisting the urge to pace the waiting room. Olivia breathed out heavily. It had been a strange few weeks and she was beginning to feel overwhelmed.

Reconnecting with Elliot after so long was exhausting. She had thought meeting him at the bar was a good idea, a neutral public place where he wouldn't be inclined to talk about anything too personal. It had worked, sticking to safe topics such as his children. The situation was made uncomfortable by the stares they both felt from the rest of her team. That had been five days ago.

She could tell Amanda was restraining herself from asking the questions that were clearly going through her mind, and Olivia had caught her several times walking in her direction only to break off at the last minute. Fin took it in his stride, giving her the space she needed to deal with Elliot's sudden reappearance in her life. And Nick…Nick kept their entire interaction professional, not saying much that wasn't case related. He barely acknowledged Elliot's presence, only scoffed when Fin mentioned something.

With the way she treated him in the early months of their partnership, she couldn't blame Nick for his behaviour. Olivia had been acting out of self-preservation, protecting herself from letting someone else in. Nick saw Elliot as a threat to Olivia. He didn't know Elliot, just how hurt she had been when he first arrived.

She sighed as she looked to the still closed door of Doctor Lindstrom. Realising her fingertips had been drumming nervously on the edge of her seat Olivia clasped them together in her lap. She hadn't seen Lindstrom in weeks, since before Elliot had come to her office. They didn't have an appointment scheduled till next week. She had phoned him out of the blue this morning to see if he could fit her in. It must have been something in her voice which made him agree readily.

The sound of the door opening made Olivia look up. Lindstrom was the mask of professionalism as he looked back at Olivia. His expression did little to put Olivia at ease as he greeted her.

"Olivia," he said holding the door open and gesturing for her to enter.

Olivia almost flew off the chair and she walked past him quickly. "Thank you for fitting me in at short notice."

Doctor Lindstrom shut the door behind her and sat in his chair. Olivia allowed herself to pace slowly in the middle of the room, trying to control her breathing to temper her own anxiety. She could feel her doctor's gaze on her. She wished everyone would stop watching her. She wondered if he would let her get away with turning around and walking out.

"What do you want to talk about Olivia?" He asked gently.

Olivia stopped her pacing, turning her body to face him but kept her eyes fixed on the windows behind him. She took one more deep breath. "The daughter of a friend came to see me a couple of weeks ago. I haven't seen or heard from her father in nearly four years," Olivia paused even she could hear the strain in her voice. She dropped her gaze to his face, he was studying her intently and she turned away again. She started pacing as she felt the urge to flee again.

When she said nothing more, the doctor spoke. "What relationship did you have with her father?"

Olivia eyes closed briefly. "He was my partner for twelve years." Two more steps then she turned. Lindstrom was silent, he was letting her explain. She had mentioned Elliot before, briefly when describing those moments in the house with Lewis but she bypassed the doctors' question about why it had been Elliot she wanted there. "He came to see me a week a few weeks ago."

"How do you feel about that after four years of separation?"

"I told him to come," she explained softly. Elliot had kept his word, allowing her to dictate how they reconnected, keeping his distance when she needed him to.

"Are you regretting that decision?"

"No," that was one point that she was clear on. Olivia wanted his presence in her life, she was sure of it. For the years since he left, it had felt like something was missing. Even talking to him on the phone had made her feel better. Even under the scrutiny of the team, she had given herself the small luxury of relaxing while he told her about Eli's soccer game. "I'm just finding it hard. I'm feeling suffocated."

"Why?"

"Because he knows me," she sighed. Her admission hung in the air. Three steps forward, turn. "He hasn't been in my life for four years, but he still knows me better than anyone. He understands better than anyone."

"Is he pressuring you to re-establish a friendship with him?" Lindstrom asked.

Olivia shook her head. "The opposite," Olivia told him. "Elliot is giving me space, he's being patient. Believe me that is hard for him," her lips lifted slightly. "I feel like I'm always on guard around him, trying to hide from him."

"Why is that?"

"Because he knows me," Olivia repeated. She knew it wasn't the answer he was looking for, but it was the only one she had. She had come here because she thought she needed to talk, even if it was to say her thoughts out loud so she could make sense of them. She had spent so much energy proving to herself and everyone around her that she was okay, that she was dealing with it. With Elliot it was so much harder because he could see what everyone else couldn't.

"Do you have anything to hide?"

'_Me,' _she thought to herself. "I know how guilty he already feels for not being there for me. If I told him what Lewis did, it would make things worse." She knew how Elliot's mind worked, just like he knew hers. She knew he would spiral just like she did.

"You said you haven't spoken to him in four years," Lindstrom prodded. "He obviously means a lot to you for to be able to invite him back into your life."

Olivia blinked her pace faltering slightly before she corrected her footing. "I was angry when he left. It hurt, and I pushed a lot of people away," she licked her suddenly dry lips. "He never said goodbye," Olivia explained, her voice almost a whisper.

She took a deep breath, the initial adrenaline of her panicked state ebbing away as she was finally calm enough to stop pacing. She walked over to the other chair, sinking into it. She looked at Lindstrom and he stared back at her with a neutral expression.

"Have you asked him why?"

Olivia nodded. "We talked about it," was all she said, not elaborating. Elliot had broken their rule when he explained his years of silence; the rule where they didn't admit anything, not out loud anyway.

"What prompted the initial contact after so many years?" Lindstrom tried another question to get to the bottom of Olivia's anxiety.

"Lewis," she breathed out shakily. "Elliot wanted to see how I was."

Lindstrom was silent as he appraised her when she admitted that. He could hear the strain in her voice, knowing where her thoughts were. "Elliot was the man who you mentioned, the one you thought of," he surmised. At her nod, he continued. "I asked you at the time why you chose Elliot, but you weren't comfortable enough to share your reasons."

"He makes me feel safe," she whispered, slightly ashamed of admitting it. "And I hate that. My entire life I never needed anyone." Olivia took a deep breath. "When Lewis had me, I was trying to find the courage to survive, to find something to keep fighting for. Then Lewis told me his other victims would scream the name of someone they give anything to see, one more time. It made me think of Elliot, and of the things I still needed to say to him. It gave me the strength I needed to survive."

Olivia looked away briefly, her eyes watering but she was able to control her tears. "I thought of him because he would never let me give up."

"There are a lot of unresolved issues between yourself and Elliot," Lindstrom stated.

'_That's an understatement,' _Olivia thought. Again she nodded, looking away from the doctor.

"If you like I can provide an environment here for you both to talk to one another," he offered.

Olivia shook her head, biting back the laugh that almost escaped at the thought. "I'm not going into therapy with Elliot. Besides I'm not ready," she added.

"Ready for what?"

"To rely on him again."

"You don't want to be hurt again."

Olivia shook her head. Trying to ignore the tightening of her chest, ignore the pain that flared. She could remember Cragen telling her Elliot put his papers in, realising he wasn't going to return her calls. She was scared of feeling that pain again, something no one else provoked in her.

"Why does your relationship with Elliot scare you?"

'_Because he knows me.'_

…_.._

She had wandered aimlessly for almost an hour after leaving Lindstrom's office. It wasn't until she realised she was around the corner from the address he had given her the first time they had meet in her office that she knew where she was going. Pulling her phone from her pocket she found his name and dialled.

After a couple of rings Elliot answered. "Stabler," he said into the phone.

Olivia smiled at the familiar way he answered. "Hi," she breathed out, fighting to keep her voice steady. "I was wondering if we could talk."

Elliot was silent; obviously shocked since they hadn't spoken in a few days, maybe he could hear the slight tremble in her voice. "Yeah," he said, recovering. "Where do you want to meet?"

"Actually I'm right round the corner from your place, are you home?"

"Yeah, come on up," Elliot replied. "Let me know when you're here, I'll buzz you in."

Not five minutes later, Olivia was walking through the lobby of his building and up to the second floor. Olivia raised her fist to knock on his door, but her hand never made contact with the wood because it was pulled open. She lowered her hand to her side as Elliot came into view.

Their eyes met almost immediately, his eyes searching hers for signs of distress. She had no idea how long they stood staring at each other, all she knew was that Elliot recovered first and was stepping aside, holding the door open for her to enter his apartment. She walked in, angling her body to avoid brushing against his. She paused in the hallway, unsure of where to go. Elliot shut the door behind and gestured for to go to the left. She followed his direction as he trailed behind her.

Olivia allowed her eyes to glance at the pictures which lined the walls of the hallway, all of them of his kids. She continued into the living room and was surprised to find a comfortable space. It was lived in compared to the sparse apartment he moved into when he and Kathy separated. He had lived here for a while, he had settled here.

Olivia paused, standing next to the sofa but she never sat. Instead she turned to face Elliot as he came to a stop behind her. He watched her closely, gaging her stance and expression. He was worried about her. Elliot didn't ask her to sit; he knew she was too wound up to rest.

Olivia looked away acutely aware that neither of them had said anything since she had entered the apartment. Lindstrom's words had been playing over and over in her head for the past hour.

"_You will never resolve your issues with Elliot unless you talk to him. For you to do that you need to open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt again."_

She breathed out slowly. "I'm sorry for the short notice," she apologised as she looked out of the window. It was ajar and she could feel a breeze coming in.

Elliot took a small step towards her, cautiously so as not to spook her. "It's okay," he replied gently. He didn't push her, letting her take her time to explain her visit.

Olivia walked to the window, her arms crossing over her body protectively. She couldn't look at him right now, but she could feel his gaze on her back. She wished everyone would stop watching her.

"He didn't rape me," Olivia started. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Elliot take another step forward. She shook her head and he stopped.

"Olivia you don't have to…"

She shook her head again to stop him. Lindstrom asked her if she was hiding and she realised that's what they had both done through their entire partnership. But their relationship had changed now. Olivia didn't want history to repeat itself. She needed to be honest. Elliot had broken their rule, and now so was she.

"Lewis made me watch as he tortured others. He, uh, hurt them more if I tried to look away or close my eyes."

"He knew that would hurt you most."

Olivia nodded. Her years of listening to victims as they told their story hadn't prepared her for what Lewis had shown her.

"Liv, you can't feel guilty for surviving," Elliot told her gently. "Lewis tortured you, mentally and physically. You fought back and you survived."

"I fought back," Olivia whispered. "I survived because I thought about you. I could hear your voice in my head, telling me to get up and fight. Not to let him win."

Elliot must have read her admission as an invitation and he moved to stand behind her. He was close enough that she could feel his body heat. He wouldn't touch her, Olivia knew that. But she found herself wanting him to hold her. Her arms tightened around waist, comforting herself.

"The last few weeks I have been trying to keep you at arm's length. Trying to prove how strong I am without you." Olivia shut her eyes, a solitary tear escaping. "I've been trying to protect myself from you."

"Why?" His voice was soft, imploring.

"Because you know me," she whispered. "Because you're not my partner anymore."

**Author Note – I have no idea if Olivia ever mentioned to anyone about that moment when she spoke about Elliot, but I could imagine it coming up in her therapy sessions. I just want to thank you all for such an amazing response to the story. If you have any comments on the chapter, I would to know them. **


	5. Chapter 5

Reconciliation – chapter five

'_It'd been a long time since they'd been together, but as close as they were physically, they'd never been so far apart in every other way.'  
― __Jennifer Faye__, __Snowbound with the Soldier_

"_Because you're not my partner anymore." _

Olivia's eyes shut, holding back the tears she felt welling. Behind her Elliot tensed and she thought he was about to reach for her, but she looked down to see his hand flex at his side as he resisted the urge. She wouldn't have pushed him away. For years she fought the ache for contact, she could do it again.

"No, I'm not your partner," his voice trembled and he paused. "Anymore. But I will always be with you, just like you're always with me; even if it's just a voice in my head and my heart." He paused to let that sink in. "I'm glad that you thought of me. It means that I can talk to you in person rather than your headstone."

Olivia unsuccessfully tried to suppress a shudder at the underlying edge to his otherwise gentle voice. He misinterpreted the shiver and his arm reached around her to pull the window shut. Olivia caught his arm, stopping its' movement. They stilled at the touch, warmth shooting through them. Olivia looked over her shoulder, fighting the urge to back away when she realised the movement had brought Elliot closer than he had been. "Leave it open," she ordered quietly.

Her arm remained on his arm as his eyes searched hers. Seconds later his arm lowered to his side, brushing against hers as it did so. Her arm returned to her waist, tighter than before as he continued to study her face. Olivia held his gaze because she couldn't bring herself to look away, scared of losing that connection. In the end it was Elliot who broke the stare, blinking away the tears she saw as he stepped back.

"Do you want a drink?" He asked stiffly as he walked to the kitchen.

"Yes, thanks," Olivia croaked out, shaking her head as she broke out of the reverie. She watched him as he started filling his kettle, detaching himself from the emotions that were running through him. Olivia was relieved she wasn't the only one affected. She sighed and moved away from the window.

"_Because you're not my partner anymore."_

The words were like a revelation to her as she finally put a voice to what had been bothering her about Elliot's return. She had no idea where he fit into her life now. He wasn't her partner, and they had been apart for too long for them to be friends. Sitting at the end of the couch furthest from the kitchen Olivia continued to watch Elliot closely as he busied himself in the kitchen making their drinks.

His calm exterior was fading. She understood why he was trying to regain control of his emotions, she wished she could do the same but it would be impossible. Olivia didn't want that to happen, hated that he was trying to make that happen. She knew he was doing it as much for her as well as himself, giving her space to decide if she wanted to continue talking. They couldn't continue to hide from one another. If they were going to be in each other's lives they couldn't back away when either of them said something the other was uncomfortable with.

The clinking of the spoon against the side of the cup made Olivia sit up straighter. Elliot approached her, cups in hand. He had lost the tension in his face, but his eyes were pink and full of anguish. He stood in front of her, his hand holding out one of the cups.

"Thank you," Olivia said as she accepted the cup. From the smell she could tell it wasn't coffee. Bringing it down to peer into the cup she saw petals and a flower. "It's tea?"

Elliot's eyes lightened as he too remembered her saying that several years ago, stating rather than questioning. "Maureen likes it," he explained as he sat at the other end of the couch.

Olivia pressed herself against the arm as she tried to fathom that he had tea in cupboard even if it was for his eldest. He turned his body towards her, one leg folding beneath the other. She held the cup with both of her hands, absorbing its' warmth. The temperature had dropped as a cool breeze drifted in through the window, but she didn't want Elliot to shut it. It reminded her there was air in the room.

Elliot sighed, and Olivia glanced in his direction. She could see the questions and the reluctance to ask them fighting. She wanted him to ask, by coming here she had opened the door to discuss what had happened with Lewis.

He cast another look over her face, deciding whether or not to put voice to those questions. "Did he try?"

Olivia nodded uncomfortably. "He had started cutting my clothes, and was about to undo his trousers when I broke free."

Elliot nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. This was as difficult for him as it was for her; he was following her lead and allowing her to share what she was willing too. Again Elliot nodded but he put the cup on the table, turning his body as he did so. He hunched over, his elbows resting on his knees. Olivia saw his arm tremble as he flexed his fingers once again to keep his emotions in check.

"The worst part was when I came back to work. Everyone looking at me like I was about to fall apart, doubting whether or not I could do this job anymore," Olivia sighed. "I almost walked during my first case back."

"Why didn't you? No one would have blamed you," Elliot told her softly, glancing over his shoulder to catch her eye.

Her mouth dropped but she quickly regained her composure. "I had to prove to everyone, myself included, that I could still do it. Lewis wasn't going to beat me. He wasn't going to take the unit away from me too. He wasn't going to stop me from helping other victims," Olivia told him vehemently.

There was a long silence as they stared at one another. She could see the rage building in him. Olivia had never been afraid to stand up to Elliot, even when he was angry. They weren't afraid to yell at one another, both too stubborn at times, but he would never hurt her. As she sat watching his new found calmness slip away, instead of being wary of it, she found it reassuring. The old Elliot was still there.

It was why she hadn't wanted to tell him. Initially she hadn't been ready, not just because of years of absence, but Elliot also admitted he increased his counselling sessions because of her abduction. There was part of her that wanted to protect him from those details. But Elliot had been a part of Special Victims long before she had every graced the squad room. His knowledge and imagination would be conjuring ideas of what Lewis did to her. She could imagine how he had tortured himself over the guilt for not being there for her. No matter how reassuring she found the glimpse of the old Elliot, she didn't want to drag him back there, into that nightmare.

"You were still fighting back," Elliot stated. At Olivia's nod, he continued. "Proving that he hadn't won."

"We've told hundreds of victims to get the help they need to regain control of their lives. Going back to work, helping others through it…" Olivia trailed off when his eyes softened.

"You thought you had more to prove. You had to be stronger than everyone else because how could all of those victims get the help they needed when the person telling them to do so seemed to be falling apart."

Olivia shut her eyes. She had been right, he still knew her. She could feel his gaze on her. Everyone watched her so closely now, waiting for her to crack. Elliot said nothing, to neither encourage nor discourage her from telling her story, worried she would clam back up.

"He broke out of prison to frame me for his death," she breathed out, screwing her eyes shut tighter. "He kidnapped a little girl and I couldn't let him hurt her. So I gave him what he wanted. Me." Olivia paused, her heart beginning to beat faster as she remembered the adrenaline that had pumped through her that day. "He put one bullet in the cylinder of the revolver, and spun it," she swallowed the lump that formed in her throat at the memory of the sound of metal on metal spinning, bullet locked in place, the click that came five times before the last turn. Her eyes opened, meeting Elliot's pained blue ones. "He made me take turns to pull the trigger."

Her tongue came out to moisten her lips. "I was meant to take the last round, the bullet was meant for me. But he pulled the gun to his head and pulled the trigger to make it look like I had done it," Her voice cracked but she shook her head to hold back the tears. "During the IAB investigation, everyone was telling me to save myself. They thought I did it, they thought I was lying. No one believed me."

"I would have," Elliot assured her. He didn't add that no one would have blamed her, because she would have blamed herself. He knew that self-blame could do more damage than any other blame. No matter what Lewis had done, Olivia wanted him brought to justice for his crimes.

"I know," she replied. Elliot would never have waivered in his support, standing in her corner till the end. The panic she had been feeling all day was starting to subside. They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes; the drinks in their hands still untouched grew cold.

"I wanted to call you," Elliot started. "I had your number up on the screen, about to press connect. I just wanted to hear your voice to make sure you were alive."

"_It means that I can talk to you in person rather than your headstone."_

Olivia wondered how many of Elliot's nightmares ended in that scenario. She'd lost count of hers. "You could have called," she told him.

"I was a coward," Elliot replied. "I had no idea how to approach you. I didn't want you to think I only came back because you were abducted." Olivia brow furrowed as he spoke. "I wanted to call before. I wanted to explain…I wanted to be part of your life again. You know you didn't have to open up to me today, I wouldn't have pushed you to tell me if you didn't want to."

"I know. I've been going over it in my head, and it was driving me crazy. I ended up at my therapists' office this afternoon, and he offered us counselling," she let out a small laugh. Elliot smiled with her. "He encouraged me to talk to you, because hiding it from you was getting too hard. It was either that or telling you to walk away."

"Good," he let out a relieved sigh. "Because honestly I don't think I could walk away again." He gazed intently at her.

Olivia's heart began to beat faster, heat rising in her cheeks. She had to look away when his gaze became too much for her. "Good, but I have to know," she looked at the cup in her hands, blinking once before raising her head and pinning him with her stare, brown eyes meeting blue. "I have to know why you never said goodbye."

**Author Note – Sorry for the delay, I just had so many ideas for this chapter that I couldn't cohesively put together. It's taken a while to figure it out. I hope you're still following. Thank you all for the encouraging words, all of the support has been amazing. If you have the time, I would love to know what you think of the chapter. Hopefully I can get the next chapter out a bit quicker.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Note – Oh wow! What an astounding response. I'm so happy you all liked the last chapter. I was able to get this chapter out a bit quicker because here is the other half of my ideas which I couldn't fit into the last one. Hope you like it, if you have any thoughts I would love to hear them.**

Reconciliation – chapter six

'_I__ don't know where I stand with you, nor do I know what I mean to you. All I know is that every time I think of you, I want to be with you.__' - Unknown_

Elliot paused at her request unsure if now was the right time to tell her the reasons for his absence. She was still shaking lightly, and he didn't want to cause her anymore emotional upheaval. His own emotions were bubbling under the surface and he was scared what kind of reaction would be caused if he confessed all. Olivia had opened herself up to him, reluctantly allowing him to see how terrified Lewis had made her. She being vulnerable in front of others, usually waiting till she was in private to work through her demons. He wanted to return her trust in him, not run away like they both had time and time again. He placed his cup on the coffee table, clasping his hands together as they dangled in between his legs.

"I was ashamed," Elliot started softly. He hadn't said any of this to anyone apart from his therapist. His pulse quickened again, having not completely returning to normal from Olivia's admission.

Olivia shifted beside him to put her own cup on the coffee table before leaning back, this time her body angled towards him so she could focus on his face and be able to get a better read on him. "She came out of nowhere Elliot," Olivia insisted gently. "There was nothing to suggest that she was going to pull a gun and start shooting."

Logically, Elliot knew she was right. In the thousand times he had replayed the scene in his head Elliot hadn't been able to detect any inclination of what Jenna had intended to do. It still felt wrong. They were supposed to protect Jenna and her mother and they had failed.

There had been no other option, Jenna had turned the gun on innocent bystanders, and her arm first aiming at Sister Peg, next in line had been Olivia. He had to act quickly hoping to stop her before her finger squeezed the trigger again. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as he pulled his weapon, aimed at her arm and fired, but she twisted and the bullet landed in her chest. He hadn't left just because of Jenna. Shooting her had broken him, but she wasn't the only reason.

Elliot shut his eyes against the images. He hadn't spoken about the shooting for a while. He wasn't sure if he could do it now, not so soon after Olivia's revelations had stirred so many emotions in him. Acutely aware of Olivia's penetrating gaze, he could imagine her thoughtful concern clouding her features, not judging, empathising not sympathising. He could smell her perfume, a blend of honey and vanilla.

He felt caged in. His hand tightened its' grip on the other, strong enough to leave marks. He was fighting the urge to pace and lash out. An impulse he had given into on so many occasions, either physically or verbally. He felt his control slipping, and he didn't want to upset or worry Olivia more than she already was. Pushing himself from the sofa he gave into the impulse to pace the short distance to the window. He breathed in the fresh air, grateful she had told him to leave it open, before turning and leaning against the window sill, folding his arms over his chest. The breeze still brushed against the side of his neck, soothing him a little.

Elliot kept his eyes fixed on a spot on the carpet. He knew that Olivia was waiting for him to continue, he felt her eyes following as he had risen off the sofa. Olivia put aside all of her fears and the hurt he had caused her, shown her trust in him by sharing her private thoughts. He felt unworthy of her faith in him. She had been brave enough to tell him about Lewis, she deserved him to be honest. They deserved honesty. He wasn't sure she was ready for this.

"It wasn't just about Jenna," Elliot admitted quietly raising his eyes to meet her confused expression. He hated himself when she tried to hide her anguish when her face fell, her eyes dropping to her hands, and he knew she assumed she had done something to cause his years of silence. "Things were getting complicated again," he told her.

Olivia's eyes sprang to his, widening as he used the reason she had all those years ago. Neither of them had been brave enough to confront what 'complicated' meant for them, and Elliot had chosen to reluctantly accept her decision out of fear of losing her completely. He hoped she wouldn't flee again after his explanation. Searching her face as she looked back at him Elliot could still see that same fear and apprehension coupled with something he wasn't ready to identify. Olivia said nothing instead she drew a shaky breath, silently imploring him to break their cycle.

"You had lost Calvin," he started, trying to sound more confident than he felt. "Then Sonia died." Elliot stopped when Olivia looked away briefly, wiping at the corner of her eye. In that last year, their bond deepened slowly and he had given into it without realising.

"I hadn't figured out how to tell you that Kathy and I were filing for divorce, how could I tell you that I was leaving?"

Olivia turned back to him sharply. "You were filing before you left?" She clarified. Elliot held her gaze and nodded. He could see the hurt he had caused from his inability to confide in her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Elliot shrugged. "You would have talked me out of it," he told her. She blinked again, opening her mouth as if she was going to tell him otherwise. He beat her to it, cutting off her disagreement before she could voice it. "Liv, you fought harder for my marriage than I did."

Again she looked like she was going to refute his claim but she didn't. On numerous occasions Olivia had been the voice of reason between him and Kathy, smoothing things over when he pissed her off, actually stopping Kathy from leaving a few times. Her gaze dropped to his now bare finger. The ring he used to wear had been like a barrier between them, neither of them willing to cross it.

Olivia found her voice. "You said you didn't sign the papers till a year after you left."

"Kathy put it on hold because I was still in shock," Elliot explained. "She wanted me to have some stability while I was getting help. If I slept at all, it was on the sofa," he added. "Once I was past the worst of it, we signed the papers and I moved out the following month." He took a deep breath. "I think Kathy and I are better because of that year. We talked honestly, I think we were too exhausted to fight, and we became friends. We figured out that we work better as friends; we were too hormonal to be friends before we got married."

Olivia stared at him. "Does Kathy know that we've been talking?"

"She encouraged me to do it," Elliot nodded watching Olivia's reaction, knowing she would be as shocked as he had been. Kathy's new acceptance of his connection with Olivia had startled him the most. He tried to hide it when he they were married, but she had seen it, been scared of it. Kathy was the one who brought the subject up, she didn't blame either of them. She understood it had been born out of the high risk situations they were in day after day, something she couldn't begin to comprehend.

Slowly the shock slipped away to acceptance and Olivia's head bobbed slightly. "I get that you wanted to leave the job, but it still doesn't explain why you left me too."

"I was a mess. At the time I couldn't face you because I was ashamed that I had given up. I had no idea how to tell you I was ashamed that I was more relieved that you were alive than I regretted shooting a teenage girl. It broke me," he breathed out. He felt the tears on his cheeks before he realised he had shed them, he wiped them away hastily.

Olivia wiped her own tears away. She looked so fragile sitting there, and Elliot wanted to reach out to her, but he knew it would have been a bad idea. Physical comfort between had been rare, changing that when they were both so raw with emotion would be a bad idea.

"I left without saying goodbye-"

"Because things were complicated," she finished for him with a small understanding smile.

He nodded. "It would have been easy to confide in you, but I couldn't talk to knowing that I wouldn't see you every day. I missed you."

"I miss you too." Her eyes were unreadable as they travelled over his form.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you," Elliot said unfolding his arms when he felt damp fabric on his shoulder. He had no idea when it had started raining, but the side of his sleeve was wet. He reached out to shut the window, her eyes followed the action but she didn't say anything to stop him.

"The worst part was I knew you were hurting too," Olivia admitted. "I felt helpless when you didn't return my calls. I just wanted to speak to you."

If Elliot had been braver four years ago, Olivia would have been his anchor. He would have gone to her, and she would have said the right thing and made him feel better. She would have understood, like she always did. "I have no idea how to make this up to you."

"You're doing a pretty good job," Olivia assured him.

Elliot studied her. She was still cautious, but the wall she erected around her heart was beginning to fade. This was new territory for them. They weren't partners. There was no badge, no wedding band between them anymore. They were going to have to rebuild their relationship from the beginning.

"I just have no idea where you fit into my life anymore," Olivia admitted.

"We'll have to figure it out," he replied. Elliot knew Olivia would be more comfortable if she continued to dictate how their relationship proceeded. There was still a long way to go. The confessions they exchanged gave him hope that she wasn't going to tell him to walk away. Elliot would take whatever she was willing to give.

"We can figure it out together," Olivia promised.


	7. Chapter 7

Reconciliation – chapter seven

'_Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and __watch__ and work: you don't give up.__' _

_Anne Lamott_

It was almost a week later when Olivia found herself on the roof of the precinct. She hadn't been up here for a while and she felt like she needed the air. So after a fairly quiet day, the case they caught being wrapped quickly, she retreated up the stairs and watched the sun as it lowered over the horizon.

Her back was pressed against a vent stack and her cup of coffee sat beside her, growing colder by the minute. The temperature had dropped with the dwindling sun, but it wasn't cold. The air felt refreshing after being stuck in the squad room doing paperwork all day. While she liked being the acting commanding officer, she missed being out in the field.

Olivia lifted her cup and sipped at the lukewarm liquid. She had felt Amanda's stare all day, and Nick was still giving her the cold shoulder. And it seemed like Fin was keeping the peace between them all. She hated that he was being putting in the middle. She hated that neither Nick nor Amanda felt like they couldn't talk to her.

The metal door creaked open and she heard footfalls approaching. Olivia smiled slightly as she looked over her shoulder to see Fin approaching her with two paper cups in his hands. His neutral expression turned into a strained one and he groaned as he hunkered down next to her. He held out a new cup out to her.

"Thank you," Olivia said as she accepted it and placed the old one back on the ground.

"No problem," Fin replied as he sipped his own coffee and looked out over the city.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the sounds drifting up from the streets below. She already knew what he was going to talk to her about, and he was treating her with kid gloves just like everyone else had for the past year.

"Come on Fin, out with it," she prodded.

"There's talk of an intervention," he told her.

Olivia's brow's rose as she turned to find his gaze on her. She sighed when she saw the humour in his eyes. "I wish they would just ask me whatever they want to know."

It was Fins' turn to sigh. "They're worried, and they have a right to be 'specially after the last year. They just want to make sure you're okay with El being back in your life after the way he left."

"And what about you? What do you think?"

Fin shrugged. "I can understand why El left, can't forgive how he did it though. Never thought he'd do that to you."

Olivia nodded. She knew Fin was right, and they deserved an explanation. "So you drew the short straw to talk to me," she stated rather than questioned.

His chest puffed a little but he shook his head. "Nah, I volunteered," Fin smiled. "Like I said it was this or an intervention."

Olivia shook her head as she heard the underlying seriousness in his joking. "What do they want to know?"

Fin leaned in conspiratorially. "Well, Amanda thinks you may be dating him."

Olivia felt his eyes on her as she rolled her eyes, but didn't answer, instead she asked, "And Nick?"

He was a bit more cautious, more serious. "He wants to know why you let El back in, he doesn't get it."

"Do you get it?" This time she watched him as he paused over his answer. After a moment he slowly nodded.

"Yeah, but then I was there for eleven out of the twelve years you guys worked together. I know you both well enough to know when to duck and cover," he smiled briefly when she let out a small laugh. "Seriously though, I'm more worried about how you're dealing with El being back in your life."

Olivia contemplated the brotherly tone in his voice as well as the concern. "We're trying to figure out where we fit into each other's lives right now," she told him after a long pause. "We're not really sure anymore."

When Olivia had left Elliot's apartment a week ago, it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. But then the confusion had set in, and she knew Elliot was feeling the same because neither of them was brave enough to bring it up again. Two days later he had shown up at her place with take out and she couldn't help but feel slightly awkward as they sat side by side watching some old movie which she couldn't remember the name of.

She felt better that Elliot knew what had happened with Lewis, it was a relief not to having it hanging over every conversation they had. But now there was a limbo as they reintroduced themselves into the other's life.

Olivia was brought back to the present as Fin lifted his cup to his lips and took a long drag from it. He had yet to say anything about her reunion with Elliot, but she knew he had an opinion which he was reluctant to share with her.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, hoping he would be honest with her.

Fin shrugged his gaze fixed on the horizon as he placed his cup on the other side of him. He was bidding time, Olivia realised and she wondered if everyone thought she made a mistake by letting Elliot back into her life. She knew they were protecting her from Elliot. For some reason that realisation was a surprise to her.

"I'm thinking that for the first time in sixteen years there's nothing standing between you, no wedding ring, and no fraternisation regs."

Olivia's head hit the wall behind her in frustration. "You're siding with Amanda?" She groaned as she tilted her head to look at him.

"No, I'm siding with you," Fin assured her. "How are you dealing with all of this?" He asked again as he concentrated on her reaction, looking to see if she faltered.

"It was hard seeing him that first time," Olivia admitted. "I had no idea whether to hug him or hit him, so I did both."

Fin's body shook with quiet laughter. "I heard. Someone needed to knock some sense into him."

"I'm glad it wasn't Nick," Olivia commented, she paused. "I'm doing better than I was with it," she confessed.

"You guys talk about why he didn't say goodbye?"

Olivia nodded uncomfortably. "Yeah," she cautiously looked him over. "Do you think I did the right thing by inviting him back into my life?"

"When I came and found you talking to Kathleen I knew there wasn't a chance you wouldn't ask him to come back."

"That's not answering the question," she replied, folding her arms around her torso.

"I think you did the right thing Liv," Fin told her gently. There was a pause and she waited for the 'but'. "But it's not my opinion that matters; do you think you did the right thing? 'Cause it sounds like you're having second thoughts."

"I want him in my life," Olivia cringed inwardly at the slightly needy tone to her voice. She didn't want Elliot to leave again, she was certain of it. "And your opinion matters, it's nice to know someone agrees with me."

Fin's shoulder nudged hers and he flashed a smile at her. "Eleven out of twelve," he reminded her. "Though I'm with Nick and Amanda when it comes to making sure he doesn't hurt you again."

"You really think Elliot would intentionally hurt me?"

"I think he's only one who can break your heart," Fin told her reluctantly. He didn't wait for her to ask him to explain. "Nobody gets you riled up like Elliot does, unintentionally or not; he's under your skin. Now I know he's always gonna have a place in your life, just like you do in his, but I can see it's been troubling you."

Olivia breathed out through her nose. "It was bothering me," she admitted. "Because I was fighting against letting him back in."

"I don't think you ever let him go completely because you didn't get the chance to say goodbye. And that's on him," Fin added tensely.

"No it's not Fin," Olivia shook her head. "I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to him either, I would never have turned him away."

Fin nodded sympathetically at her. "I get that."

"Thanks." Olivia eyed Fin, wondering if she should bring up the other thing that been bothering her, he wouldn't judge her for it. "It feels like everyone is watching me, waiting for me to crack." Her tongue touched her lips to moisten them. "Elliot hasn't done that, he's just been there. I knew he would listen, and he has, but he didn't expect me to talk. I know you're all doing it because you care, and some of the time you probably don't realise you're doing it, but it's making me feel worse than I actually do."

"I'm sorry, we're worried. With what Lewis-"

"William Lewis is dead," Olivia cut in. "I saw his body in the morgue. He can't hurt anybody anymore. We need to stop letting him control how we look at one another, because then he's won. And I won't let him do that to this Unit."

Fin eyed her for a beat, unfazed by her outburst. He studied her, trying to figure out if she was putting on a front. Olivia's heart beat froze as she expected him to shake his head and refuse to believe her, but he slowly nodded, pride showing in his eyes.

"Good." He seemed to ponder something else. "Alright, so Elliot's back in."

"Yeah," she said sheepishly after recovering from swift change in topic. Her eyes drift to the open stairwell, thinking of her other unit members. "They're going to need some convincing."

Fin followed her gaze. "It's going to take 'em a while, they never met him before. They don't know what it's like between the two of you. For all they know he's a prick who left you without a word four years ago."

Olivia stared mutely at him for a moment. They really had a bad impression of Elliot, and it would be a lot of work to convince them otherwise. "He didn't expect to leave. The first time I saw him after Kathleen, I was tempted to tell him to walk away. And he would have. I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"Then you both gotta prove to them that he's here to stay, and you're happy about it, 'cause at the moment all they see is you getting stressed and they think he's the cause of it," Fin told her gently. "But you're both bull headed and stubborn enough to do it, it's why you get along so well," he added with a teasing smile.

Olivia rolled her eyes at him. "You know there was a time when people didn't insult their CO's," she laughed.

"Aw, I know you to well enough to know you won't hold it against me, besides it's true," Fin shrugged. "And at the moment, I'm not talking to you as my CO; I'm talking to you as a friend." He sighed. "Work at it, because you and Elliot mean too much to each other not to."

Olivia felt her eyes welling at the sincerity she heard in his voice. She turned away from him to look out over the now dark city so he wouldn't see her tears. "Thank you," she told him quietly.

"Eleven out of twelve," he replied just as quietly.

The shrill ring of Olivia's phone cut through the silence and she reached into her pocket to grab it. "Benson," Olivia answered, her eyes watching Fin's face as he looked at something on an adjacent building. "Okay, we're on it," she replied after listening to the details being relayed by the dispatch operator. Hanging up, she started to stand. "Come on, we got a vic at Mercy."

**Author note – I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added the story to their favourite and following lists. The response has been truly amazing. I would love to read any comments you have, so if you have a few moments to spare let me know. **


	8. Chapter 8

Reconciliation – chapter eight

'_Reconciliation, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed __truce__ for the purpose of digging up the dead.__'_

_Ambrose Bierce_

Nick walked into the dimly lit bar, scanning the place and his gaze fell on the person he had come to meet. Tensing when the other man looked back at him calmly, he walked to the booth which his predecessor had chosen to find him cradling a beer in his hand and another bottle sitting in front of where he expected Nick to sit.

Nick scoffed lightly, unable to stop his defiant gesture. "You think it's good idea to add alcohol to this conversation?" He asked sarcastically as he sat opposite Elliot.

"Figured it couldn't hurt," Elliot replied. "Thanks for meeting me."

"I have no idea why I agreed to it," he said picking up the bottle, the brand he usually drank he noted, and took a long gulp from it. "No idea why you want to talk to me."

Nick could see the small spark of amusement in the other man's eyes as he replied. "I think you have a pretty good idea. Liv wouldn't have put up with you for this long if you weren't good at your job."

Nick shook his head in disbelief. He had been a state of confusion since he'd answered the phone to Elliot a few hours before. "You really want to do this?" He asked, not sure if he would be able to control his temper at whatever Elliot had to say.

"Honestly I don't care what you think of me," Elliot said as he sat up a little straighter. "But for Liv's sake I think we," he gestured between them. "Need to clear the air."

Nick's eyebrows shot up. "For Liv's sake?"

"We both care about her," Elliot nodded, ignoring the incredulity in Nicks' voice. "She hasn't said anything but it's getting to her."

"She was doing fine till you came back," Nick accused him. He waited for the reaction he wanted, thinking it would make him feel better, but he couldn't help the strange sense of sympathy that came over him when Elliot winced.

The wince was short lived and Elliot recovered from it with a determined glint in his eye. "I'm doing this for her, if she wants me to go. I will," Elliot paused finding the words difficult to say. "You've got questions; I'm giving you a chance to ask them."

Nick shook his head, taking another sip of his beer. "What Liv does in her private life is her business, what's it got to do with me?"

"Because if our places were switched, I'd have questions."

Nick frowned. He remembered the rumours he heard about Elliot when he first joined the unit, determined, hot headed, bad tempered and confrontational. Nick had never put much faith in rumours. There was something more resigned about the man before him, almost like he had given up.

Nick was still weary of him. He'd abandoned someone who had come to mean a lot to him, a valued friend and ally. Nick may have only known her a few years, but he couldn't imagine shutting Olivia out of his life. He had no idea how Elliot had done it after twelve, especially with how close they supposedly were. Nick didn't know how he could be so cold and distant to someone who obviously cared about him so much. Olivia had kept him at arm's length for months after they started working together, her anger covering up the pain she felt towards her old partner, who was now sitting across from him.

Nick was definitely curious. He had no idea how Olivia accepted him back into her life, expose herself to that anguish again. She was his partner and the protectiveness he felt towards her was heightened with the turmoil of the last year. Nick admired the strength she had shown throughout the whole ordeal and since William Lewis had died. It was only in the recent weeks that he had seen any signs of distress, which he attributed to Elliot's resurfacing.

"I have a question," Nick admitted as he fiddled with the label on his bottle where it had become damp from the condensation. "How?" He didn't need to finish the question; they both knew what he was asking.

Their eyes connected in a staring contest and he saw Elliot's demeanour cloud over and Nick wondered if he was rethinking his decision. This would be the only chance Nick gave him, if he blew it then that would be it.

"It was hard," Elliot said as the determination returned, apparently he remembered his motivation for being here. "I shot a child, she was the daughter of a victim who was murdered before her attacker's trial was about to start. IAB were breathing down my neck," he started to explain.

Nick could empathise; he understood the feeling of that pressure and the support of his colleagues got him through it. He remained silent; Elliot needed to do more explaining than the background facts.

"My head was all over the place and I didn't want to drag Liv into Tucker's line of fire. At the time I thought after it all blew over I would ring her to explain," he gave a self-depreciating shake of his head, his eyes landing on a bead of condensation as it travelled the length of his bottle. "Then I gave in my papers and I realised how badly I messed up, I'd abandoned her. And that's something you don't do to Liv. I was a coward because I knew how much I had hurt her, I couldn't face her and see that look in her eyes. I had," Elliot refocused on Nick. "I have no idea how to make that up to her."

"What's changed? Why did you come back after all this time?"

"Because I miss her," Elliot told him simply, his fingers tapping on the glass of the bottle in front of him. "I've thought about her every day, her smile, her laugh, her ability to say the right thing. She crept up on me, you know?" Elliot shook his head. All of a sudden he moved his hand away and his fist snapped shut. "I will never forget when my daughter, Kathleen, told me that Liv had been taken. It felt like everything was standing still, my heart stopped, I couldn't breathe. I felt like that the entire time till Kathleen told me you'd found her. Fin said you did everything to get to her," Elliot said and Nick could see the unspoken gratitude in his eyes.

"She's my partner," Nick replied as if it explained everything. He knew it would to Elliot. He had a feeling Elliot would have done what he had. Elliot appraised him for a moment and gave a small nod of approval. "That doesn't explain why you've left it so long, he took her nearly a year ago."

"Olivia needed time to deal with what he did to her, she needed time to heal. The last thing she needed to do was to deal with any more upheaval. After Lewis killed himself, my daughter wanted to see Olivia, she asked me to come with her and I wanted too. Just to hear Liv's voice, look at her with my own eyes but I was scared she was going to tell me to go to hell. She asked me to come," Elliot seemed shocked as he said it, as if he couldn't comprehend it.

Nick brow knotted together as it started to fall into place in his mind. Olivia wanted Elliot back. Somewhere in the back of his mind he'd always known that. He'd made his own initial assumptions about their relationship. In the years they worked together he'd never seen her like he had when they first started working together. Olivia was lost in those first few months, refusing to let him in, refusing to accept him as her partner. She cared about Elliot, that much was obvious, and Nick thought it ran deeper than normal partners. She had been devastated by the man before him. Nick never considered that Elliot would have been just as devastated by the separation.

"Just because Liv accepted you back into her life, it doesn't mean that I will," Nick found himself saying. He knew he was being over protective, and Olivia wouldn't appreciate it, but he never wanted to see that hurt on her face ever again. He couldn't watch him break her heart again.

Instead of riling Elliot by overstepping his bounds, Nick saw the beginnings of a knowing smile on Elliot's face. "Don't stop thinking like that, don't stop protecting her," Elliot implored. "No matter how much strong she is, no matter how independent she is she needs that. I never wanted to leave her, and I don't plan on doing it again. I know you think I'm an ass, and that's probably never going to change because I am one."

Nick huffed out a short laugh. "Why did you ask me to meet you? Why does it matter to you so much?"

"It doesn't, but it does to Liv," Elliot explained. "It matters to her because she cares about both of us. I don't care how you treat me, but don't take it out on Liv. This isn't her fault."

Nick slumped and his gaze dropped guiltily to the table. Because he hadn't been able to wrap his mind around their reunion he'd avoided her. Part of him respected Elliot for making the effort to come to him and explain personally. Nick was able to see a bit of himself reflected in Elliot. Nick may be Olivia's partner but Elliot was more entitled to the label than he was. Elliot was asking him for a second chance. Nick only had one choice; Olivia wanted Elliot in her life. As her partner he would be there to back her up.

"You got one chance," Nick said as he raised his eyes to Elliot's. "Don't break her heart again."

Elliot nodded slowly, accepting the silent threat. He raised his bottle in the air and Nick did the same with his and glass touched glass as they sealed their promise. Withdrawing his bottle Nick brought it to his mouth and sipped.

"You know we can never tell her about this conversation," Elliot said raising his bottle to his lips.

Nick coughed and sputtered around the beer. Elliot smirked and reached out to grab some napkins from the dispenser in the middle of the table. Nick accepted them when he handed them over, wiping his mouth and nodded in agreement. "Never," he confirmed. "She'd tell us both to go to hell."

**Author note – I am completely astounded at how much you're all enjoying the story, especially the last chapter. I loved writing that scene between Olivia and Fin, and in the episodes that I have watched I enjoy their interaction second only to that between Elliot and Olivia. I was so happy that you all think it was true to their relationship. So what did you think of this chapter? If you have the time, I would love to read any thoughts you have on it.**


	9. Chapter 9

Reconciliation – chapter nine

'_Yes__ you are forgiven, come back to me and we can start all over again... But one thing is for sure, after you broke me I'm not the same person that you hurt before...__' -_****_Jaymie Gassner _

Olivia moved backwards from the squad room, watching the others going about the tasks she had asked them to do before turning to walk into her office. She pulled her phone out of her pocket. Scrolling through her contacts she found Elliot's information and pressed connect before pressing the phone to her ear. She paced slowly in front of her desk as she listened to the ringing, waiting for him to pick up. Part of her wanted it to go to voicemail. But it didn't.

"Stabler," Elliot answered.

"Hi," Olivia replied nervously.

"You caught a case, didn't you?" He asked. She could picture him in her head, smirk playing on his lips, eyes twinkling, phone held up to his ear.

"Yeah," Olivia sighed in disappointment. They had plans to meet for dinner, and she had been looking forward to seeing him. Elliot had been back in her life for nearly four months and it was getting easier between them. The awkwardness between them was dissipating a little more every time they met, either for dinner or drinks or just talking on the phone as they began rebuilding their friendship. "Rain check?"

"Of course," he answered sounding as disappointed as she did. "You okay? You sound tired."

"I'm fine," she automatically responded. Silence reigned for a moment and she knew he was rolling his eyes at her over used answer. Olivia tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Really Elliot," she assured, a soft smile gracing her lips. "It's been a long day and I'm looking at a longer night."

He understood she knew he did. They had been in the same predicament hundreds of times. "Bad?" He asked referring to the case.

"Aren't they all?"

"Yeah," Elliot replied, his concern sounding through his voice. Silence passed between them for another beat. She could sense his hesitation and heard him expel a deep breath. "I, uh, didn't mean to overstep…"

Olivia paused her pacing and her teeth gnawed at the inside of her lower lip. He was worried about her. She was bothered by the case they had caught earlier that day, but not enough to talk about it. Though she wasn't keeping him at arm's length any more, it was the first time he asked her to talk, his voice slipping to the one he used to use when they confided in one another while they worked through a particularly gruesome case. The slip had been accidental and he was just asking, but he assumed she thought he was pushing. She knew he wasn't and wanted to offer him something to prove she understood that.

"You're not Elliot," she started, recovering. "I'm okay, just tired. I'll grab an hour in the crib if I get the chance," Olivia promised. "I'm sorry about dinner."

"Me too. I'll let you get back to the case," he said accepting the subject was effectively dropped. "Call me about rescheduling."

His order was soft and gentle, but she could hear the uncertainty. How had the new found comfortable friendship they had been forging turned around so quickly? At the first sign of his concern for her well-being, she unintentionally balked. He'd misinterpreted her assurance as denial and was trying to give her the distance she had requested when he first re-entered her life.

There was a quiet knock at her door and she glanced up to see Amanda standing there expectantly. When she saw that Olivia was on the phone she swivelled her body sideways to look out at the squad room to offer some privacy.

"I gotta go El, I'll call you when I can to reschedule," she said quietly into the phone as she watched Amanda whose head twitched when she heard El's name was mentioned.

"I talk to you later," he said more confidently than before. "Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay safe," he replied gently.

"I will," she said with an eye roll and a small smile. She was surprised when she heard his laughter in her ear.

"I heard that eye roll," Elliot explained.

"Talk to you later," Olivia replied, refusing to indulge him by laughing.

"Bye," Elliot said shutting off his phone.

Olivia disconnected her own phone and turned her attention to Amanda, who was already entering the office. She looked uneasily between Olivia and the phone she was pocketing. Olivia sighed. There had been a thawing of sorts with her colleagues since her talk with Fin and they no longer looked at her as though she was about to break. Nick had stopped avoiding her, but Amanda was still cautious.

"What have you got Amanda?" Olivia asked. Part of her wanted Amanda to ask the questions that were evident in her expression, but she wouldn't offer the information voluntarily.

Amanda straightened as she lifted the folder in her hand. "I ran the MO through VICAP, and came up with a few matches. Couple in Baltimore, a few in DC, I'm waiting for the lead detectives from those cases to get back to me."

Olivia held out her hand for the folder, reading the contents when Amanda handed it over. "Good work," she said as she continued to read the results of Amanda's search. "Can you go over the victim's statement again? There are small inconsistencies between these. If this is the same perp, his rage may be escalating, but we need to be sure."

Amanda nodded as she accepted the file back. "Of course," she drawled.

Olivia turned to her desk to grab the folder which held a copy of the photographs of the crime scenes and the victim's injuries. She opened the folder and was studying the first image when she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Amanda was still hovering in the office doorway, watching her. Olivia glanced over her shoulder, making eye contact. "Everything okay?"

Amanda nodded her head at the pocket where Olivia put her phone. "You guys had plans?" she asked.

"We were supposed to have dinner tonight," Olivia explained as she faced Amanda. The tiniest of winces flashed in Amanda's eyes. "What's wrong Amanda?" She asked stiffly.

Amanda looked guilty as she glanced away. "Nothing, I'm glad you've been able to reconnect with him." She looked through the window into the squad room nervously, seeing everyone else engrossed in chasing the dismal leads they had she pushed the door closed.

Olivia knew she was lying and braced herself as she waited for the questions Amanda was gathering the courage to ask. Amanda stepped further into the room, coming to a stop just in front of Olivia's desk. "Do you remember when we started working together?" She asked but she didn't wait for Olivia to reply before elaborating. "I asked you how you still trusted men after being in this Unit for so long, seeing what we see day after day."

Olivia's brow rose in concern as she remembered the incident. She nodded and allowed to Amanda to continue. "You said you trusted your old partner," the blonde paused as if she was wondering how to continue. "He was the reason you believed some men could still be trusted," she shook her head in disbelief, gaining confidence with each word. "I didn't understand how you could after he left you like that," she said delicately. "We see so many women who go back to the guy who is treating them like crap, I never thought you…"

"Woah, stop there Amanda," she said stepping forward, holding up a hand to stop her train of thought. "Do you trust Nick and Fin?" She asked pointing at their colleagues who were huddled over Fin's computer in the squad room.

Amanda followed her hand, looking at the two men. She nodded slowly, her hands rose to rest on her hips. After a moment she turned to face Olivia again who saw a flash of understanding at the point she was trying to make. "With my life," Amanda agreed with an incline of her head.

Olivia sighed. "Elliot was my partner for nearly thirteen years, proving to me every day that he could be trusted." Olivia swallowed. "It hurt when he left, but I trusted him. He's a good man Amanda; he just couldn't do this job anymore."

Amanda shook her head, taking a step forward. "That doesn't excuse the fact that he shut you out of his life."

Olivia expelled a deep breath, her pulse was quickening and she didn't want to fight with Amanda. They were in the middle of a case and she didn't want them to lose focus, they needed to remain calm. She allowed herself a moment to regain control of her heart beat, and focus her thoughts. She wanted to defend Elliot, but she couldn't deny she had the same thoughts Amanda had; she still had them up till a few months ago.

"My relationship with Elliot was, is," Olivia paused as she tried to find the right word. "Complicated." Amanda's eye brows rose as she drew her own conclusion from the description, unprepared for Olivia being open with her. Olivia shook her head before Amanda could voice her suspicions. "Not like that, we were never…"

Amanda looked at her in disbelief. Olivia closed her eyes briefly, trying to keep calm. "Have you ever known anyone who understands you better than you understand yourself?" She asked reopening her eyes. Amanda shook her head. "It's scary," Olivia admitted. She could feel the tears prickling, but she held them at bay, wondering how she hadn't noticed her eyes watering.

"Someone who knows what you're thinking, what you're going to do before you do. In this job, that kind of connection, it gets intense." Olivia shook her head lightly to clear it. "And there were times when I ran from it. But it works both ways. Part of that connection was tethering us to the job. He needed help, if he stayed in the job he wouldn't have gotten it. He would have stayed for me."

"Do you still trust him?" Amanda asked.

"With my life," Olivia replied without hesitation.

"What about with your heart?"

Olivia paused, thrown by the soft, concerned tone to Amanda's voice. "We're working on it," Olivia confessed quietly.

Amanda contemplated Olivia for a long moment before eventually nodded slowly. "I'm glad that you are, really I am," Amanda shrugged. "Because I don't think I could."

"It's been hard. We're trying not to fall back into old habits."

"You're trying not to be as close as you were before, trying not to be hurt," Amanda surmised and when Olivia said nothing to deny her statement she continued sympathetically. "I don't think you can stop that from happening. You deserve to be happy. If you want him back in your life, then you should show him. But you hold yourself back. I get that, none of us want to see you hurting like you were before. But maybe you should give him a sign that you have a little faith in him to stay."

"I have faith in him."

"Then don't wait too long to reschedule. Show him that you're not gonna run again."

….

It was nearing five in the morning when Olivia was exiting the precinct. She needed some air and a break from the case, they had no new leads. Walking down the back steps, her hand found its' way into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Her thumb paused before typing her code to unlock it. He wouldn't be asleep; years of waking at the crack of dawn were ingrained in her, and knew it was the same for him. She tapped connect before she lost her nerve and held the phone to her ear.

One ring later he picked up. "Stabler?"

Her lips lifted slightly at the alert tone he used. "Hi, I was wondering if we could talk about rescheduling."

"Now?" He asked with a short laugh.

"I was wondering that as I couldn't make dinner, did you want to have breakfast instead?"

**Author Note – Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter, and to everyone who had added the story to their favourite and follow lists. I would to know what you thought of the chapter, so if you the time please let me know.**


	10. Chapter 10

Reconciliation – chapter ten

"_Sometimes__ I wish I could just turn back time. If only I had a chance to start over with you. Then, everything would be different...__"_****_Anne Dawn_

Instead of meeting him at a dinner for breakfast, Olivia picked up take out for them from a bakery five minutes from Elliot's apartment. Thirty minutes after hanging up the phone with him, Olivia knocked on his front door. He opened immediately, wearing sweats and a tee shirt that looked thrown on, smiling sleepily at her as he ushered her into the living room. She could smell the coffee brewing, and hear the sounds of the city coming through the cracked window. She hadn't been there since the night she had told him about Lewis, choosing to meet at her place or a bar. Her eyes drifted over the sofa, taking a step towards it before pausing.

"I have coffee, tea, or juice," Elliot said startling Olivia from her falter.

She looked over her shoulder at him, seeing he was closer than she thought. "Juice please," she told him. He gave her a quizzical smirk before turning towards the kitchen to retrieve the juice for her and a coffee for him. Olivia glanced back at the sofa before turning to perch herself on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

Olivia watched him with his back to her as he added the right amount of milk and sugar to his cup. She must have watched him making coffee hundreds of times before, but the movement of his muscles under his shirt fascinated her. She supposed it could be the fatigue. The tapping of the spoon against the side of the cup brought her out of her reverie. Elliot turned around to face her with the same smile on his face as he sat the drinks in front of her before reaching out to the plates he already had on the bar and placing one by each drink. She put the bag she held in her hand on the bar and opened it to reveal the pastries she brought.

Elliot came around the bar and sat on the other stool, swivelling his body to face her. They ate in comfortable silence, stealing glances at one another between bites. After finishing her breakfast Olivia pushed her plate away and picked up her glass of juice to sip it as she met Elliot's gaze. He still looked slightly amused as she held the glass to her lips a beat longer than necessary. She swallowed the juice and replaced the glass to the side of her plate.

"What?" She asked with a small smile.

"I thought with being up all night you would've wanted coffee," he explained.

Olivia shook her head as she let out a small laugh. "I've had coffee all night. Nick is Munch's protégé when it comes to making the pot."

"No wonder you don't need any more caffeine," Elliot replied. "So when are you heading back?"

She cocked an eyebrow in response. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Elliot shook his head. "No, just wondering how much longer I've got your company for." Elliot glanced at his watch. "It's a little after six in the morning, I've still got nearly three hours till I have to go to Queens to pick up Eli and bring him back to the City for his soccer tournament in Central Park," he looked her up and down.

"I'm sorry for waking you up so early," she said guiltily.

Elliot shook his head. "It's okay, I wasn't really asleep." He paused, studying her face for a moment. "I'm sorry for over stepping last night, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Their eyes locked and they silently urged the other not to flee. Trying to create some distance without leaving Olivia swivelled in her chair, her elbows coming to rest on the bar, her hands clasping together. "You didn't. I know you were only asking because you were concerned for me. You weren't pushing me."

Elliot contemplated her for a long moment, trying to find the right words, cautious and unsure. She could see the doubt, and it wasn't just about him. It was about her too. He was worried about her reaction. He had kept his promise of letting her open up to him when she was ready, but as they had spent more time together over the last few months his control over his concern was slipping, he was getting impatient with holding back. But he was scared of showing it, Olivia realised.

"I'm not really sure where the lines are anymore," Elliot said calmly, albeit carefully.

Olivia leaned forward over the table while maintaining eye contact with Elliot. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm not either," she replied honestly.

"The rules are different."

Olivia nodded slowly, looking away briefly as his cerulean gaze became too intense for her. "Elliot I asked you for space because I was confused, I needed time to figure out how I felt about you being back in my life." Elliot stared back at her, his guilt showing. Olivia fought to ignore the empathy that flared within her but she failed and her body sagged slightly as she tapped her palms lightly three times on the table. "I never needed anyone in my entire life. I never let anyone get close to me," Olivia swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. She clasped her hands together again, tapping together on the work top nervously, her eyes dropping to them as she gave a short laugh. "But somehow I let you in without even realising," she breathed out. It was in ensuing silence that she raised her eyes cautiously to gage his reaction.

Her breath caught as he held her gaze, studying her to judge how to respond to her statement. Without breaking eye contact, Elliot moved a hand to cover hers, stilling their nervous movement. Olivia's body tensed but she didn't remove her hands from under his. The physical contact was new, but there was something familiar about it. His muscular hand was heavy on top of hers, the feel of his strength comforting. He wasn't holding her there; she could have slipped her hand out if she wanted to. After he was sure she wasn't pulling away, he curled his fingers around hers reassuringly.

"It snuck up on both of us," Elliot told her gently.

After another beat of silence, Olivia's hands let go of one another and one turned up wards to wrap around Elliot's warm one. He reacted immediately and his thumb stroked along the back of her fingers, warming them.

"It scares me." Her confession was almost a whisper. "It scares me that I can't keep my guard up around you. I asked you to give me time so I would be able to have more control over it, so I could stop it from happening again."

"Did it work?" Elliot asked.

Olivia shook her head in response. "There are times when I wish you let me go years ago, even before you left." Olivia held her breath as she uttered the words, expecting his hand to slip away, waiting for him to retreat. He didn't.

Instead Elliot tightened his hold on her hand and his brow creased momentarily before asking, "Do you still feel that way?"

Their eyes remained locked in a stand-off for what seemed like minutes. He was as scared of her answer as she was, worried that she would tell him to walk away. Olivia shook her head again, not trusting her voice.

"I wish I had been brave enough to come back to face you after I gave in my papers."

"I wanted you to," Olivia replied. "I missed you. I miss you, the old you."

"I'm right here Liv," Elliot said, a little confused.

Olivia shook her head. "No, I mean the stubborn, bull headed, angry partner who I worked with for twelve years," they both smiled sadly at one another. "I find your new found patience unsettling sometimes. It's hard to get a read on sometimes."

"I've been holding back," Elliot admitted with difficulty. "I'm second guessing everything that I say to you because I don't want you to get overwhelmed."

"I know," Olivia replied, squeezing his hand gently. "I appreciate that you've given me that space, I do."

"I want to start over with you but neither of us has the best track record of sticking around when we get scared."

Olivia almost closed her eyes against the intensity of his gaze. Amanda had been right; he wanted to know she wouldn't be running away again. "You hurt me when you left. I don't think anything is going to change that," she licked her lips quickly to moisten them. Elliot broke eye contact for the first time in their conversation and his thumb paused the rhythmic stroking on the back of her fingers, his body tensing but he waited for her to continue.

She moved her free hand to the side of his face, cupping the back of his head to turn him to face her once more. His head resisted at first but he relented and their eyes connected once again. She saw the fear, the guilt, and the apprehension. Her body swivelled on the stool and she leant closer to him.

"I also know despite that I still trust you, and nothing can change that either," Olivia told him. His eyes widened at her admission. "We can't change the past, Elliot. But we can learn from it."

"I don't want to lose you again," Elliot whispered.

"And I don't want to run anymore," Olivia confessed squeezing his hand gently.

He sighed and his body visibly relaxed as he twisted to face her completely, their knees brushing against one another's. Her arm moved as his shoulder nudged it but her hand remained where it was, cupping the side of his face and neck. Elliot glanced at it out of the corner of her eye but he didn't comment, instead his thumb resumed stroking the back of her fingers.

Olivia tilted her head to the side as she considered him. The flicker that flared inside of her wasn't new; she had felt it time and time again. Olivia had always been able to fight its pull. This time she found herself surrendering to it. She only realised they were both leaning forward when she felt Elliot's free hand brushing the outside of her knee. Her hand moved lower to his shoulder but neither of them stopped. Their noses grazed each other, and she could feel his breath mingling with hers, their lips about to touch when a shrill ring broke through the silence.

They sprung apart and both of the stools squeaked quietly with the speed with which they spun. Olivia breathed heavily as she realised the ringing was coming from her pocket and snatched her phone out in frustration. She breathed deeply again, refusing to look at Elliot as she calmed herself enough to answer whoever had unintentionally interrupted them. Without looking at the screen, she pressed connect.

"Benson," she said into the receiver. She looked up to see Elliot stand and pace further into the living room, his hand covering his mouth as he tried to process what had almost happened.

"Hey Liv," Amanda said into the phone. "We need you back at the house, we got a break."

"I'll be there soon," Olivia said more tensely than intended, and she hoped Amanda wouldn't pick up on it. Without waiting for her to reply Olivia hung up the phone. She stood as she replaced the phone in her pocket walking over to Elliot.

Hearing Olivia approach, he turned to her. She saw the uncertainty had returned to his eyes, and knew he expected her to retreat. She didn't want to do that anymore. Quickly she stepped into him and pressed her lips to his. The touch was fleeting and ended almost immediately as she pulled away. His head followed her but she stayed out of reach.

"Rain check," Olivia promised as she placed a hand on his chest, still feeling the lingering tingle on her lips.

His eyes darkened and dropped to her lips. She thought he would lean in again, she wouldn't have stopped him but he abided her command. "Rain check," he agreed with a small smile. "They need you," he reminded with a small nod to the door, unoffended by the intrusion. "We can continue this later."

This time he did lean in again bypassing her lips and pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek, his aftershave filling her senses. "I'll see you soon," Olivia promised, quelling the disappointment that flared as she backed away and out of his apartment.

**Author Note – Thank you all for the wonderful reviews on the last chapter. I'm still amazed by the reaction this story has created. I must admit this chapter had me stumped and it's been in my head all week, but refused to be written until today. I was feeling so frustrated this morning I had to go back and reread the comments from you to help me along, the encouragement helped so much and I was able to get this done. I would love to read any comments you have on this chapter, so if you have the time please review.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Note – thanks for all the encouraging reviews. This chapter was a bit easier for me to write, hence the quicker update, but I was uming and arhing over Kathy or Kathleen…I'm happy with my choice. Let me know if you are (or aren't).**

Reconciliation – chapter eleven

'_The__ fear about losing a loved one is the fear of change itself. Being used to one person, day after day, then to one day wake up all alone, a whole new day. Think of it as a chance to start over, to learn from the past and make a brand new beginning.__' Unknown_

He could still feel the ghostly touch of her lips on his. She had been quick and he had no time to react before she pulled away. He remembered being slack jawed from shock as Olivia stared back at him, her eyes giving nothing away. Elliot wanted to reach out and pull her to him. He wanted to find out what she tasted like. He wanted…

Kathleen's melodic laugh cut through his thoughts and he was bought back to the present. She mimicked his posture as they leant over the steel barriers at the side of the soccer tournament. Elliot felt the heat rising up his neck when he looked in her direction and saw her knowing smirk and the laughter in her eyes.

"What?" He asked.

She laughed again as she shook her head at his cluelessness. "How's it going with Olivia Dad?"

Elliot schooled his features, trying not to react as he wondered how she knew where his thoughts were. "Things are okay. Why'd you ask?"

Kathleen's eyes sparkled with amusement as she looked back at him. "Because you have your 'Olivia' face on," she said boldly.

Her honesty never ceased to amaze him, paling only in comparison to her confidence to say it. "My 'Olivia' face?" Elliot questioned.

"The one you get when you think about her, or talk about her," Kathleen explained as she shuffled sideways towards him and nudged his shoulder conspiratorially. She appraised him for a moment and her good natured teasing vanished, replaced by shy concern. "Things are good? I mean you haven't really talked about it."

Elliot could hear the apprehension in her voice, doubting whether or not she had made the right decision. After making the initial push for contact between himself and Olivia four months ago, Kathleen hadn't pushed him for details, letting them progress I their own time. "Things are good," he confirmed as he leant in a pressed a quick kiss on her hair line. "Because I have a certain daughter who likes to meddle."

When he withdrew Kathleen rolled her eyes at him. "Somebody had to," she defended. "Somebody had to make that first move."

"I was too scared to make it. Thank you for doing it."

"So I did the right thing?" She double checked.

He nodded, glancing over his shoulder when he heard the crowd start to cheer and saw a player from Eli's team running down the field and score a goal. Elliot smiled as he saw Eli jump in the air, his fist raised towards the sky as he celebrated his team mates' goal. Returning his attention back to Kathleen only to find her still watching him and replied, "You did the right thing."

"How are things going? Really?" Kathleen implored.

Elliot paused as the memory of the brief touch of Olivia's lips came back to him. His lips curved upwards of their own accord.

"That good, huh?" Kathleen's shoulder nudged him again when he didn't reply.

"I'm not talking about this with you," Elliot said self-consciously.

Kathleen faked indignation by holding a hand to her chest. "Oh come on Dad," she smiled. "I should be allowed to know the result of my well-meant meddling."

Elliot let out a throaty laugh at her dramatics. He was proud of the woman Kathleen had become. She was still the most out spoken of his children, but her brazen attitude had mellowed and she had grown up and matured into a wonderful woman. He knew that was partly down to Olivia's intervention, Kathleen never told him what had been done or said and neither had Olivia or his mother but it had worked. And Kathleen felt indebted to Olivia's intervention ever since. Elliot suspected her choice of career had been inspired by Olivia.

The worry Kathleen felt for his former partner and he during the time that Lewis held Olivia almost matched his own. Kathleen had been the only one of his children to reach out to him when he was beating himself up over the guilt he felt for not being there for Olivia. She was the only one brave enough to talk to him about it and sat holding his hand as he watched the investigation and man hunt progress on the news while Olivia was being held by Lewis.

"_I need to see that Olivia's okay. Do you want to come with me?" _

Elliot had been a coward and Kathleen had been stronger than he was. He was proud that all of his children were brave able to speak up for themselves. Sometimes he wished it wasn't directed at him, because it often serving to fuel his guilt for working long hours when the older ones were growing up. A mistake he was trying not to repeat with Eli.

Kathleen had put herself out there and encouraged him to reunite with Olivia, knowing they were both miserable with the lack of communication. She deserved him to be honest with her.

"We are adjusting to our relationship being different," he admitted quietly.

Kathleen sobered with his statement, contemplating it for a long moment before responding. "Things are never gonna be the same as they were before Dad," she said thoughtfully. "But that's a good thing, because you and Olivia can be more than you were before."

"You'd be okay with that?" Elliot questioned. All of the children supported the divorce, assuring both he and Kathy they wanted them to be happy even if it meant they were separated. But Elliot was aware of their suspicions about his relationship with Olivia, obviously over hearing Kathy's not so veiled comments that would often be thrown in the heat of an argument. Their approval wouldn't change the way he felt, but he would prefer to have it.

A soft smile graced Kathleen's face. "Of course I would. We'd all be okay with it, even Mom," she assured him. "I gotta admit that I thought something happened…before."

"I never cheated on your Mom," Elliot replied. There was no point getting angry at the accusation, he knew she hadn't been the only one of his children to think that about his relationship with Olivia. Kathleen was talking to him calmly and honestly, she deserved to be treated the same way.

"I know that Dad," she told him. This time when Kathleen leant against him she was offering support rather than teasing. "I figured that out when I realised you cared about Olivia too much to make her the other woman."

Her words stirred him. He was thankful she saw past his physical attraction and realised Olivia meant more to him. Resisting his feelings for her over the years hadn't just been about respecting his vows, Olivia deserved more than being treated that way.

"We're, uh, trying to figure some stuff out," Elliot said. He had no idea how to describe the current state of their relationship after how he and Olivia had parted that morning. The kiss was fresh in his mind, a promise Olivia had given him, a sign that she wasn't running from him. Her courage never ceased to amaze him. Thoughts about kissing her weren't new to him; he often quelled them before the fantasy went too far. But in his mind it usually lasted longer than a few seconds.

"Figure stuff out?" Kathleen questioned. "Come on Dad, I deserve more than vague cryptic explanations."

"We've known each other for a long time. There were rules we had to abide by. It takes time to adjust to them not being there anymore. Not to mention the fact that we haven't been in each other's lives for nearly four years," he averted his eyes guiltily.

Kathleen shook her head. "Everyone makes mistakes Dad. I'm pretty sure Olivia understands. She wouldn't still be talking to you after four months if she didn't."

Elliot shot her a sideways glance, and seeing her piercing gaze fixed on him he gave her a small nod. "We're trying to get to know one another again."

Kathleen's approval shone on her face. "Good. As more than you were before?" She questioned with a hopeful glint in her eye.

Elliot felt the flush return to his neck and he expelled a breath before nodding once quickly. "That's what we need to figure out."

"Wow," she said as her eyes widened with a mixture of excitement and shock.

"What? I thought you approved."

"I do," she rushed to reassure him, placing a hand lightly on his forearm. "It's just I never thought you would admit it. I thought that one day we would probably have a family dinner and Olivia would just be there."

"And that would have been okay?" Elliot asked doubtfully.

"Actually, yeah it would. Eli may be the only one you would need to say anything to. He doesn't remember Olivia like the rest of us do," she said as she glanced at the little boy in question. "I told you we all understand Dad and we want you to be happy. I know you could make each other happy if you just let her in."

At a loss for words, he leant and placed a feather light kiss on her brow. Kathleen tucked her arm around his, and leant her head on his shoulder as they turned their attention to the soccer game. Neither of them knew who was winning, but it was almost over. A few minutes later the referee blew the whistle and the players began to move off the pitch.

Eli was all smiles as he bounded over to Elliot and Kathleen. He stepped onto the bottom of the barrier to look over it. "We won Dad," he said excitedly as he held his arms up so Elliot could lift him over the barrier.

"I saw," he replied as he hooked his hands under Eli's arms and lifted him. Elliot glanced at the score board to see his team had won two to one. "Congratulations buddy."

Once Eli was set on the ground he looked up at his dad, squinting at the sun. "But I didn't score Dad," he replied.

"There's always next time Eli," Kathleen said as she hooked an arm around Eli's shoulders to pull him to her in a side hug. She glanced at Elliot meaningfully. "There's always gonna be another chance, isn't there Dad?"

Elliot nodded at her not so subtle implication before looking at Eli. "Of course there is, you just got to grab hold of it."

Eli scrunched his face in confusion. "But it's soccer Dad, I can't use my hands."


	12. Chapter 12

Reconciliation – chapter twelve

"_Sometimes we have to lose something precious to gain something priceless" – Unknown_

Olivia and the rest of the unit worked around the clock, taking naps in the crib or huddling in the kitchenette to eat while they worked. But the break in the case had come from Amanda's talk with a detective in Washington, who gave her the name of a suspect which turned out to be the alias of a witness they had interviewed at the first attack. It was almost eleven o'clock Monday night when Olivia watched Nick and Fin escort the perp to central booking to wait for arraignment in the morning.

Olivia rubbed the back of her neck tiredly before stretching to relieve some of the tension in her back. She walked in to her office and slumped in her chair, letting her gaze travel her desk to survey the stack of paperwork which awaited her. She let out a sigh and lifted a hand to open the top folder, pausing when the images of the first victim were displayed in front of her. Immediately she flipped the folder shut again. It could wait till morning; the paperwork for arraignment had been done and she needed a good night's sleep. Looking at those images for another hour would prevent that from happening.

She started closing up the office for the night, sorting her files into the order of importance for the early morning she intended to have after at least six solid hours of sleep. Olivia tidied away the mess from her desk which had built up in the haste of the last two days, throwing her personal items in her bag. Finally she turned her desk light off and shouldered her bag before picking up her phone. She sighed as she saw a message alert.

Settling back into her chair, Olivia tapped in her passcode quickly, holding her breath while opening her messages as she hoped it wasn't another case. She didn't know whether to be relieved when she saw it was from Elliot, asking how she was. It had been sent a few minutes earlier, while she had been in the squad room. They hadn't spoken since Saturday morning, since she had kissed him. It had been in the back of her mind ever since, her thoughts drifting to it during the occasional break she had taken, vividly remembering his quick intake of air just as she pressed herself against him, his soft lips starting to respond when she pulled away, the disappointment she felt when she pressed her hand against his chest to stop him from kissing her again.

The rational part of her brain knew she had to get to the precinct quickly, but the irrational part wanted him to brush aside her hand and finish what she started. She'd seen that want in his face, and was sure it was reflected in her own. She wouldn't have stopped him, would have met him halfway.

While Olivia had managed to keep her feelings and her hands to herself over the years, she hadn't been able to stop her mind from imagining what it would be like to kiss Elliot. She always thought that first kiss would the one that broke the dam and they wouldn't have stopped. She couldn't deny her thoughts went beyond that first kiss, most often they ended with her wrapped around him as they tumbled into her bed.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Olivia turned her attention back to her phone. Taping the reply button, she paused again overcome by the urge to hear his voice. Inwardly she cringed at her needy thoughts but she was unable to stop herself as she tapped connect instead of writing a reply.

"Hi," Elliot answered after two rings.

"Hi," Olivia replied suddenly feeling nervous about her decision to call him.

"How's the case going?" Elliot asked quietly.

Olivia glanced at the bullpen, making sure no one was watching her. "Uh, we just wrapped it up. The perp is on his way to central booking as we speak. I was just about to go home."

"You haven't been home since Friday have you?"

"We've been working around the clock," Olivia explained as she brought her free hand up to cover her yawn. "Well except for breakfast on Saturday," she amended bravely. She wanted to hear his reaction, judge how he was dealing with the aftermath of her bold move. Twinges of doubt crept into her mind as he stumbled over his reply.

"Yeah, breakfast was, um, it was interesting," Elliot replied almost shyly, softly.

Olivia smiled self-consciously; secretly glad she wasn't the only one who was affected by what had happened that morning. "It was," she agreed.

"Do you want to do it again?" He asked quickly.

Olivia's eyes bulged slightly at the implication, but she side stepped it when she replied. "You mean breakfast?"

He laughed softly, and Olivia found it to be almost too intimate to be having this conversation in her office, over the phone. "Breakfast or dinner, whatever you're ready for."

"As much as I enjoyed breakfast, I have an early start tomorrow. But we could have dinner tomorrow night," she replied tentatively.

"How are you getting home tonight?" He immediately replied.

Olivia's jaw dropped as she heard the offer in his voice. Her heart and head fought internally. She wanted to see him, but she was tired. She knew the likely outcome of seeing him tonight and she wasn't sure if that was a good idea.

"I'm going to take a taxi," she explained.

She heard his sigh and knew she had said the wrong thing. When they worked together he rarely let her go home alone, stubbornly waiting till she blinked her lights to signal she was safely in her apartment. Something that could have prevented…no, she wouldn't allow her thoughts to go to that night.

"I could pick you up," Elliot offered.

She instinctively shook her head; she knew the suggestion was coming. "It's late El," Olivia told him. "I'll be fine, I don't want to drag you out this time of night," she explained calmly. She wanted to see him. His presence would have calmed her on her journey home. No matter how much Elliot's over protective nature infuriated Olivia secretly appreciated it. Originally she thought it stemmed from his doubt over her ability she quickly learnt he did it because he cared about her.

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to do it."

Olivia sagged in her chair. She knew Elliot would come for her if she said yes. She wanted to see him, wanted to see where they stood with one another after Saturday. "Are you sure?" Olivia asked hesitantly.

"I'll see you in ten," he said, hearing the surrender in her tone.

"See you soon," Olivia said as they disconnected. She slipped the phone into her pocket and stood from the chair, not focusing on the possibilities of a late night meeting with Elliot. Walking through her door she saw Amanda signing off the last of the paperwork for the confession she worked hard to get.

Hearing Olivia approach Amanda looked up from the form in front of her and smiled tiredly. "You heading out?"

"Yeah," Olivia replied as she stopped beside the blondes' desk.

Amanda cocked her head to the side as she contemplated Olivia before casting a quick check around the squad room. "So, did you reschedule yet?"

Olivia couldn't stop herself from glancing around the room, double checking just as Amanda had done before giving a small nod. "Actually we had breakfast on Saturday," she admitted.

Amanda's eyes widened as she realised when Olivia was talking about. "I'm so…" she started but Olivia shook her head to cut her off.

"Don't worry about it Amanda, you needed me here."

"Still, I'm sorry," Amanda said understandingly. "Did you reschedule again?" She asked hopefully.

Again Olivia gave a short nod. "We're having dinner tomorrow night."

Amanda smiled supportively in response. "Good. I'm happy for you."

As much as she wanted to refute Amanda's implication, she didn't. "Thanks," she said instead.

Amanda's eyes narrowed when she heard the uncertainty in Olivia's voice. "Are you happy?"

"I am," Olivia rushed to assure her. "Our relationship is different now."

"Takes a lot to adjust to," Amanda said knowingly. "That could be a good thing. You're not restricted anymore."

"I still miss him being my partner," Olivia shook her head in an effort to clear her thoughts, suddenly unsure about letting Elliot take her home tonight. She still found herself looking around expecting him to walk in to the squad room four years after he left. She expected to feel him looking over her shoulder at a case file, expected to hear his input on a case.

"He can be more than your partner now," Amanda said gently. "I know he hurt you when he left, but if he stayed you wouldn't be able to have that."

Olivia snapped her eyes to the blondes' the realisation struck her. She gave another nod to confirm Amanda's words. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'll see you in the morning, don't stay too late."

Amanda smiled sympathetically, understanding how private her boss could be. "I'm just finishing this form and I'll be heading home Liv," she promised, smoothly avoiding the abrupt halt to the conversation.

Olivia nodded again before retreating out of the squad room. At the door she looked back over her shoulder to see Amanda had turned attention back to the work in front of her. "Amanda," she called. Amanda looked up, her brow crinkled in confusion. Olivia gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime," Amanda said as she returned the smile.

Olivia continued out of the precinct taking the back stairs to leave the building. Upon opening the back door she immediately saw Elliot's car. Any doubts she had about meeting him slipped away when she saw him. They made eye contact and smiled shyly. Olivia held his gaze while she quickly walked to the car and got in the passenger seat.

"Hi," Elliot said as she settled herself and put on her seat belt.

"Hi," she said as he turned the key in the ignition and checked it was safe to pull out into traffic. Olivia turned her body sideways in the seat, her elbow rested on the car door and she leant her head on her hand and watched him drive through the city to her apartment.

Sensing her eyes on him, Elliot looked over at her when he pulled up to a red light. "What?"

"You didn't have to do this, you know."

The light turned green and the car roared to life again. "I know, but I wanted to see you."

Elliot's attention was on the road but Olivia could see he was nervous. She felt the heat in her face in reaction to his reason. The rest of the journey to her apartment was in reflective silence, the tension rising with every block they passed. Soon they were pulling up outside of her building.

Elliot turned the ignition off and relaxed back into his chair, his gaze fixed out of the window. Olivia unbuckled her seat belt, wondering what should be her next move, wondering what he wanted the next move to be. The awkwardness amused her; they were both adults, who knew each other inside and out and a single kiss had them in a quandary. She laughed quietly at the absurdity. Elliot looked over at her.

"What?"

Olivia shook her head. "Why did you want to see me tonight Elliot?"

He studied her for a long moment, struggling over his answer. Eventually his eyes dropped to her lips before reconnecting with hers. "I wanted a do-over."

"A do-over?" She questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of his head. "I always thought our first kiss would last longer than that."

"A bit presumptuous, don't you think?" Olivia teased.

"Maybe," he agreed self-consciously. "Stop making fun of me," Elliot asked with a laugh.

Olivia shook her head. "No," she replied leaning forward in her seat to be closer to him. Her hand lifted to his shoulder in reassurance. "Do you want to come up?"

Elliot surprised her when he shook his head. "No," he said as he turned to look at her. "As much as I want to come up I don't want to rush this. All I really wanted was to see you and make sure you got home safely. Not just to…"

"Kiss me," Olivia finished for him as she leant further into him.

Elliot saw the movement and leant in as well. Her hand moved to his neck as they closed the distance between them. He paused to give her the opportunity to stop if she wanted to, but a slight tug on his neck urged him to close the distance between them. Elliot touched his lips to hers once, his after shave filling her senses. Her eyes closed when he did it again, and on the third nudge her lips opened to his.

His tongue ran along her lower lip as he deepened the kiss. She gave herself to him, moaning into him. He was gentle but passionate, just as she imagined. They allowed themselves to explore unlike their first kiss. She could feel the want building in her, feel the urgency in his kiss but he suddenly pulled back. The sound of their heavy breathing filled the car as they regained control of their erratic heart beats.

After a few seconds Olivia glanced over at him, her chest heaving from breathing heavily. Elliot looked like she felt and they stared at each other as they calmed down. His expression turned to one of relief as he realised she wasn't running from the car.

"Now that was how _I_ imagined our first kiss," Olivia said.

It was Elliot's turn to laugh. "I knew you thought about it," he teased with a smirk.

Olivia shook her head. "You cocky son of a b-," her words were cut off by Elliot's lips on hers. This time it was soft but still as passionate. He pulled back before it went too far, his eyes clouded with desire.

"Good night Liv," Elliot said huskily.

Olivia's lips twitched. "Good night El," she said as she opened the door and got out. She felt his eyes following her as she walked up to the door of her building.

"Hey Liv," he called and she turned back to him. "Blink your lights."

Olivia waved her hand and nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow."

**Author Note – I hope you enjoyed the chapter as much I did writing it. Let me know any thoughts you have. **


	13. Chapter 13

Reconciliation – chapter thirteen

"_A woman has two smiles that an angel might envy, the smile that accepts a lover before words are uttered, and the smile that lights on the first born babe, and assures it of a mother's love." - _

_Thomas C. Haliburton _

It was mid-afternoon when Olivia and Nick stepped off the elevator into the busy waiting room. Nick held out his hand to stop Liv from going any further as a gurney was rushed passed them with several medical staff working on a patient. Once clear they continued to approach the nurse's station and waited as the only nurse manning the desk talked to a relative, trying to reassure them that a loved one had only been moved from one ward to another. As soon as they were given the room number the relative moved quickly away from the desk.

The harassed nurse immediately turned to file away the paperwork in the appropriate place, ignoring the partners. Olivia shared a look with Nick. She was sympathetic to the woman's predicament but they needed to find the potential victim who had been reported to them.

"Excuse me," Olivia said to the woman. When she glanced over her shoulder, Olivia flashed the nurse her badge and gestured to Nick. "I'm Sergeant Benson, this is my partner Detective Amaro. We're looking for an assault victim who was brought in."

The woman shrugged. "We're swamped here today," she said as she turned to the computer. "I don't think we've got the person you're looking for." Tapping a few keys on the computer she shook her head. "We don't have them, sorry. Do you have a name?"

"Actually she's just been admitted, that's why she's not on the system yet," said a nurse who appeared behind the other one. Olivia's head sprang up as she recognised the voice. Her eyes connected with the other woman's and they stared at each other. "The doctor just finished with her Olivia, and he's talking with her parents."

Still reeling from the unexpected meeting, Olivia tried to cover her surprise, but was slightly irked that the other woman was able to smoothly cover her shock. "Could you take us to her Kathy?"

Kathy beckoned them with a nod of her head and she led them to a curtained off cubicle where the doctor was waiting outside with the girl's parents. Olivia made the introductions and soon she and Nick split up, Olivia interviewing the victim and Nick getting background information from her parents and the doctor.

Olivia pushed aside the apprehensive thoughts in her mind as she sat with the thirteen year old girl while she recounted the story of the attack which occurred on her way home from school. She was still shaking as Olivia finished the interview, tears running down her cheeks as she asked for her mother. After the parents were back with their child Olivia excused herself and stepped out, closing the curtain behind.

She took a moment to calm herself, her eyes closing briefly as she fought her own emotions. It was becoming harder when she heard the victims' describing the attack, but she would stay strong. Nick was at the end of the corridor, taking notes as the doctor spoke to him. A few seconds later the doctor was paged over the tannoy and Nick let him go after giving him his card. His gaze fell on her and softened as he recognised the pain in her expression. She walked to him, the small distance between them giving her the time to push away the thoughts in her head.

"The parents are blaming themselves," Nick said as she approached.

"I don't think anything is going to change that," Olivia replied. Thankful he didn't mention her momentary lapse and they took the elevator to the ground floor. "He blitzed her," she shook her head as she the girls words came back to her. The doors opened and they stepped out.

Soon they reached the exit and Olivia started walking towards the sedan when Nick touched her arm to get her attention. She stopped and looked at him quizzically. He pointed at the blonde woman standing against the wall watching them.

"I think your friend is waiting for you," he said nodding at Kathy.

The two women stared at each other again. Olivia had been hoping to avoid this. Elliot mentioned Kathy had gone back to nursing but failed to tell her which hospital. Elliot may have been sure of Kathy's support for their fledgling relationship but Olivia couldn't help but feel uncomfortable under her scrutiny. Guilt had always been present in her interactions with the woman. It was almost as if Kathy could see through the façade Olivia projected over the years; the façade that she didn't feeling anything other than friendship for her husband.

"We're not really friends," Olivia said reluctantly. Nick gave a cautious look between the women, obviously wondering whether Kathy was a threat to Olivia. "She's Elliot's ex-wife," she explained, silently imploring him not to ask the questions that he clearly had.

He gave them each another glance before taking the hint. Nick held his hand out for the keys to the car. "I'll meet you in the car," he said as Olivia dropped them into his out stretched palm.

"Thanks Nick," she said as he brushed pasted her. As soon as he was far enough away Olivia made her way towards Kathy who pushed off the wall to meet her. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Hi Kathy."

"Olivia," Kathy returned. They stood in silence staring at each other awkwardly. "How are you?" Kathy asked, breaking the silence.

"I'm good. How are you?" She wished Kathy would say whatever she had to say. Olivia was finding it hard to read Kathy, her face was neutral. She felt the apprehension pooling in the pit of her stomach.

And then Kathy smiled, but it did little to put Olivia at ease. "I'm fine Olivia. Elliot has Eli tonight because I got called into cover. So I waited after I finished my shift because I wanted to speak to you."

"I need to get back to the precinct Kathy. What did you want to talk to me about?" Her apprehension grew as Kathy was seemingly unfazed by their conversation.

"I know you're busy but I wanted to thank you for giving Elliot a second chance," Kathy said kindly.

It felt like her head was swimming with her confusion. She hadn't known what to expect, but it certainly wasn't that. Annoyance, accusations, and implications had taken precedence in their previous encounters. She was calmer than Olivia expected, calmer than she had ever been. Olivia realised Kathy was still looking at her and finally found her voice. "He wasn't the only one who needed a second chance."

Kathy nodded knowingly. "Still with the way he left things with you, I never thought that…" She trailed off, looking Olivia up and down. "I guess I underestimated you," she said uncomfortably.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She wasn't sure if Kathy's falter was a good thing. She had no idea what Elliot told Kathy about them, neither of them put a label on it. After sharing those first kisses almost a month ago there had been several more, but they hadn't moved beyond that physically, not wanting to ruin their relationship by moving too quickly. Though they never crossed any lines while he was married their history made the situation she was currently in that much harder. She needed to get out of it, needed to flee. Olivia gestured at the sedan, with Nick sat in the drivers' seat. "I'm sorry Kathy but I need to get back to the precinct."

Kathy nodded and Olivia turned to walk back to the car. She stopped when Kathy called out. "It was hard you know," Kathy stated. Olivia said nothing but turned to her expectantly, waiting for her to explain. "Watching my husband fall in love with another woman."

"Nothing ever happened Kathy," Olivia sighed.

To her surprise Kathy's lips lifted upwards for a second. "I know. I knew that back then. I think that made it worse than if anything had happened," she gave a short sarcastic laugh. "I really wanted to hate you, but I couldn't when I realised both of you were fighting the way you felt, that you weren't going to do anything when he and I were married." She took a deep breath. "Elliot is an amazing father, a good man, and he tried to be a good husband. He was trying to do the right thing, but that doesn't always make you happy."

"Kathy, this isn't the place for this conversation," Olivia said quietly. She didn't want to have this conversation, not now, not ever. The urge to run was overwhelming and she took a step back to quell it in some small way only to tense when Kathy took a step forward to close the distance because she wasn't finished. As much as Olivia wanted to turn around and get into the car, it wouldn't have been fair to Kathy. She had things she needed to say.

"I know and I'm sorry but I just wanted you to know," Kathy's nose scrunched as she tried to compose her thoughts. "He missed you, and _I_ missed you," Kathy stressed out.

Olivia's brow furrowed in confusion and she could tell the admission was difficult for Kathy to make. She saw the internal struggle that Kathy was going through and relaxed her rigid stance. Kathy folded her arms across her chest and looked behind Olivia at the sedan. Olivia didn't follow her gaze but she knew Nick was probably keeping a surreptitious eye on them, making sure she was okay. She waited patiently for Kathy to explain.

"I had no idea how to deal with him after the shooting. He wouldn't interact with any of us, at all. Elliot needed help and I didn't know what to do. I knew you would," Kathy implored. "But he insisted it was better that way. I wanted your help and Elliot needed you. I think he was punishing himself by not going to you."

Olivia felt her eyes watering but she held the tears at bay. "What do you mean?"

"Elliot knew if he went to you, you would have made him feel better. He didn't want to. Internal Affairs cleared him but he still felt guilty for having to shoot a child. To him taking her life needed atonement, no one else was punishing him so he did it himself. He denied himself your comfort and hurt you both in the process."

Olivia shut her eyes as the first tear slipped down her cheek. The hospital entrance was eerily empty, and she was thankful there were no witnesses to this conversation.

"I had to do something and one day I was doing the laundry I found card in his wallet for a therapist and I made an appointment without telling him. I drove him there and we had a huge fight when I parked up outside. The therapist heard it and came out to get him. She talked to him and he just gave up and followed her back into her office. He went every week and eventually he and I started talking. About everything; his childhood; what he saw on the job and why he didn't tell me about it before, how he wanted to spare me that horror. And we talked about you too."

"About me?" Elliot had alluded to that before, but he never mentioned any specifics. Olivia wasn't sure if she wanted to know them or not, but she didn't think Kathy was going to spare her any choice in the matter.

"I was filing for divorce because Elliot finally accepted how he felt about you, he wasn't acting on it but he stopped fighting it. I wanted him to be happy; I wanted all of _us _to be. We were all miserable and there was only one way to stop it. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about how you feel about Elliot, it needed saying. You needed to know that I don't blame you, I know you didn't plan for this to happen."

"I didn't Kathy," Olivia assured her. Kathy had an odd way of giving approval. Her emotions were swirling inside of her.

Kathy continued on, bypassing Olivia's promise. "Elliot hasn't been happy since he left the force. He was there for all of the children, trying to repair his relationship with all of them. But something was missing. You were missing," she licked her lips. "I'm just trying to tell you how grateful I am that you let him back into your life. He's got that spark back."

Olivia took a deep breath and ducked her head. "It wasn't just for him."

"I know you've had a tough year," Kathy said sympathetically. "You make him happy. I think he could make you happy if you let him try. He could help you heal if you let him."

**Author Note – You're a wonderful bunch of readers, thank you for all the comments for the last chapter and the favourites and adding to your follow lists. I wanted this up yesterday, but it's been a bad few days. Even though I had chocolate for breakfast (I'm entitled to on my 31****st****) everything went from bad to worse and then horrible, sorry for my rant. Anyway I would love to know any thoughts you may have don't hesitate to let me know, good or bad. **


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